I am a humble man. I also happen to be very self loathing. So when I’m off base, or remotely wrong, I can admit it. I have no problem calling myself out for a moment of reflection to see my faults for what they are. Tonight is one of those moments. I have just finishing washing off the last remaining filth that has seeped into my skin, having just come from the film “Jennifer’s Body”, a film I had high expectations for turned out to be so shockingly deplorable, I am still stunned.
Megan Fox’s first starring vehicle was penned by Diablo Cody, still hot off her “Juno” fever. This was supposed to be the film that Fox claimed would show she could do more than just run from giant robots, and be some sweaty, half dressed eye candy. Sadly, we still have to wait. Megan Fox plays Jennifer, the small town hot chick with the not quite as cute BFF (Big Love’s Amanda Seyfried) sewn to her side from youth. Together they go to a local bar to see a totally unexplained Indy band because, well, as the hot chick, Jennifer always gets her own way. After the club bursts into flames and spreads into a raging inferno in a matter of seconds, Jennifer leaves with the band in a Rape Mobile to safety. Let’s just say for the reader’s digest version, she doesn’t come back the same, in fact she comes back with an insatiable appetite for high school boys.
So, sounds ok, right? WRONG. Diablo Cody’s chic and made up, contemporary lingo that made Juno hip and clever falls embarrassingly flat as delivered by Fox. The comedic timing doesn’t fail, it doesn’t fit. Square peg, round hole syndrome. Take the spoken dialogue from Juno and transfer it over to a comedy/horror genre and see if an “Honest to blog?” fits. Diablo unfortunately has used up all her vowels I’m afraid, in the same way Ben Affleck and Matt Damon aren’t going to write another Good Will Hunting. I hope I’m wrong, honestly, Juno was extraordinary and will slip into classic status one day, I believe. Jennifer’s Body was choppy, strangely paced, and seemed like it was shot entirely by the 2nd unit director. Karyn Kusama only has 2005’s Aeon Flux under her belt, and it shows, with lack of originality or ingenuity, the film falls as flat as the dialogue. As if all of the necessary pieces were unmatching.
With a small comedic turn by J.K. Simmons and a powerhouse performance by the wonderful Amanda Seyfried we have only this tiny blonde to carry the mass of this clusterfuck on her shoulders. Fox does smolder sexily and the gore is generally done well, it was just a confusing plot path to be lead down. You’re wondering nearly the whole time WHY any of this is happening. Seyfried, coming into her own with Mama Mia and a growing role on HBO’s Big Love has nothing to prove, with half the looks and double the breasts of Fox, this girl held the pieces of this film together the best she could, but I’m afraid all in vain.
So the 3 strikes are as follows; Diablo Cody’s 2nd outing is terrifyingly bad, Strike 1. Karyn Kusama has NO experience, Strike 2. Megan Fox may still be able to act, but not with Cody’s brand of kitschy dialogue, Strike 3.
Everyone knows, as a critic I’m easy like a girl on prom night. My readers will gasp that I am for once giving a negative review, however reluctant, but absolutely necessary. My soul hurts, just a little; from this film…Just a little. 1.5 out of 5
(NerdBastards would like to thank Mr. Mahoney and AMC Framingham 16 for the support of our website. The wonderful management and staffing made our experience a delight. Thank you. ~NB)