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If you are anything like me (you aren’t), you look at most new video games and go “Yeah… It looks nice and all, but where is the challenge and the soul?”. Most recent games just don’t do anything for me. The developers worry about stuffing so much crap into the games that they all are just clones of one another. If only that was the one problem, but it isn’t. Companies want “SIK GRAPGHIX D00D!’ because the idiot gamers only care about “SIK GRAPGHIX D00D!” and whether or not they get “no scopes”. This creates tons of problems for the future of gaming, which makes me really sad, but since I will be rocking out hardcore with this little device, I honestly could care less if Kojima made his next game a virtual reality genital torture simulation or if Nintendo made all of their Wii’s give the world a new strand of super AIDS. I won’t be giving in and buying that shit anymore. This just rules too much. Details and more after the break…

So as I mentioned I’m a crotchety old school gamer. It’s really hard to keep me satisfied unless the game is 2D and just plain fun. Luckily there is still a market out there for an ancient relic like myself because I found this sexy device on Think Geek’s website. It is a handheld emulating champion. This bitch is so tough, it will handle almost ANY emulator you throw at it. NES? You bet. SNES/Genesis? You aren’t trying hard enough. Neo Geo? Oh you bet your sweet, tasty, candy ass it can take it. MAME? CPS1 and CPS2, WUT WUT! Honestly this thing can handle any sort of “retro” console emulation, ever. This mofo even has a fucking touch screen! If that wasn’t enough, it also does video, e-books, voice recording, etc etc… I heard the built in fleshlight was postponed until the next model…

I have had this draft written up for a while but have taken way too many pauses to fap over this thing. I am now drained and can not post about this any more, so for more in depth coverage, head over to Think Geek and just buy the thing already. Lets hope this brings me more fulfillment than the last “whiz” that cost me $179.99…

Category: Videogames

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