Ten LAMEST Superpowers EVER!


First of all, bitch has got an eye patch. If you’re a superhero(ine), it really helps to have depth perception. But her main problem is that her only power lies in the fact that she has tentacle arms. Perhaps her tentacles helped her get by in the sewers with the Morlocks… perhaps they were a great pick-up line with the ladies… but more than likely, they just sucked.

9. The Flash
He runs fast. So do Kenyans. Ooooohhhhhhhh!!

8. Jubilee/Dazzler
These X-Men can literally do nothing but put on a light show. Grab your illicit drugs and they’re great for a party… but otherwise dreadful.

7. Aquaman
Yeah. He can talk to fishies. Fucking jellyfish don’t even have brains, what kind of conversations could he possibly be having? Fail.

6. Matter-Eater Lad
This guy’s power is simply that he can eat anything. So, pretty much, he’s the Asian guy who wins all the Glutton Bowls. Only he’s got a really lame superhero name instead of a cool Japanese one. I’m more impressed by the fact that he isn’t fat or filled with ulcers, than I am that he can eat a bit of wood.

5. Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman can fly. So WHY THE FUCK does she need an invisible jet? Also, Family Guy brought up a very good point about the restroom situation. Awkward.  And the Truth Lasso?  A LASSO?!  REALLY?!!

4. Longshot
His only superpower is his incredible mullet. Oh yeah, and he’s “lucky”. Except for the mullet.

3. Arm Fall Off Boy
His arms fall off… aaaaaaaaand then he bludgeons you with them. Yeah, he’s STILL cooler than Zan and Red Bee.

File:Wonder Twins.jpg
2. Zan from Wondertwins
Zan’s only power is that he can transform into any form of water. Really handy to have around at a BBQ, to keep your beer cold… but other than that, he’s just a goofy bastard.

1. Red Bee
His power? A trained bee. Seriously. That’s it. I mean, maybe there’s something else, but once you hear that his main power source is a bee, you really don’t bother to find out anything else. The only thing he’s ever accomplished was killing off Macaulay Culkin in My Girl.  (((Also, he has poufy pink sleeves.  Yeah.)))


Category: Comics

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