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Why is everyone thinking outside of the box nowadays? Doesn’t anybody want to be in the box….heheh…anyways I just received word via Daily Finance that a new company wants you to slow your roll. Yes- the anti Redbull!! The Coffee Killers!!! The Monster Slayers!!! These motherfuckas are trying to take down our jittery, caffeinated lives to calm and relaxed! How can we stay up all night writing useless shit?! Or playing Warcraft?! Or The Force Unleashed?! Huh!? Some of us NB’s (cough cough*Christine*) are pretty much vampires! Here is their claim:

Promising a “vacation in a bottle” or an “acupuncture session in every can,” makers of anti-energy drinks, as they’re known, say that after bailouts, foreclosures and Ponzi schemes, Americans nowadays would rather chill out than tweak out. To help us do so, they’re spiking their new beverages with ingredients such as chamomile, melatonin, and valerian root — all known for their supposed calming effects. Now in convenience-store display cases across America, drinks with names like Slow Cow, Ex Chill and Malava Relax are increasingly jockeying for space with their amped-up alter-egos like Jolt, Monster and Rockstar.

So here is the twist. I’m magic. I know what the future beholds. All this means for the over stuffed Energy Market is a balance in the Force…THE DARK SIDE! RedBull in the morning to get your draggin’ ass up and up, then some “RELAXATION” drink at the end of the day to calm down and chill out…But we all know something here at NerdBastards…These new Hippie Drinks, will never, NEVER EVA EVA EVA EVA!!!!!! Replace most people’s number one.

Weed.

Category: Nerd Culture

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