News of a Palm Pre clone that could very well be the Palm Pre’s twin brother separated at birth has got me wondering why we, as a nation, as a planet, even bother to buy new and insanely expensive smart phones. People line up for fucking hours just to be the first kid on the block to have the coolest and newest piece of shit that Apple splooges all over it’s consumer-base. It’s FAN base. All while they have much better shit coming out months later to repeat the process. The cellphone industry is a giant circle jerk of stupendous technology that people think they need but ultimately don’t. What about a device that makes fucking phone calls (remember those?) without having to worry about accidentally activating some other complicated shit by accident? Don’t get me wrong, being able to whack off at while on speakerphone with grandma who lives in God’s Waiting Room, Florida is definitely a giant leap for mankind… but this craze really needs to stop.

Everyone is too connected. They are so connected that people can’t put down their fucking phones for more than thirty seconds. Every time I drive I see people having full conversations via text message. I really hope your LOL-a-thon is worth potentially ruining the lives of everyone you put in danger of feeling your self-absorbed, ADD-induced wrath. What an inconsiderate, douche-bag move that is. I really hope everyone turns into a vehicular Sonny Bono because they just can’t stop texting and fucking with their phones while driving to the store. Believe it or not, but if you do slalom your way into a tree in your terrible and useless SUV because of the lack of attention being paid on the road while texting; You paid entirely way too much for your own stupid, assclown-esque death.

Yep, I’m back to the Chinese-made smart phone knock-offs again.

For a really long time countries that have labor so cheap, that the average American could fund an entire factory of workers and have a lot of money to spare, have been reverse-engineering and coming out with knock-offs of everything mechanical and electronic. China has been very good at this, especially when it comes to cellular phone device doo-hickeys.

I even have experience with a Chinese iPhone knock off that really was a decent phone and could easily be mistaken as an iPhone. Granted a few features were missing, like the App Store, which may be a blessing as you won’t be tempted to put useless junk software on your phone. Even going as far as having wi-fi, GPS, and Windows Mobile 6 as the OS. You get pretty much the same basic crap as the iPhone, without the need of a douchercism, plus you can use multiple microSD cards to store and carry around a ton of media, only limited to the amount of cards you want to buy and bring along with you. An added bonus is that you don’t have to use shitty iTunes and have Apple software hiding in the background, trying to monitor what you do and take over your computer (iPhone users on a Windows machine should really check your system processes and look at the names of the crap running, you will be surprised). You get all of this for very little cash (comparatively) and you don’t need to have an absurd $60 a month iPhone idiot tax… I mean data plan. The phone comes unlocked and a simple call to your service provider can hook your phone up to their basic unlimited “regular” phone internet package. It’s not 3g fast, but you won’t care as you would be saving so much money. You might even be able to buy some decent weed for once.

Oh shit, I’m supposed to be talking about this Palm Pre clone. Sorry, I was too busy having a conversation two words at a time while trying to check out a 30 second clip of an all amateur gang-bang and updating my Facebook status. I know everyone cares how pumped I am 4 tonite!!11!

Anywho, some other blogsite broke the news of this Palm Pre knock off. It looks pretty similar and if it does half of what it looks like it does, I will buy it. I don’t even care if no one knows who manufactured it. It’s apparently being marketed in China as half iPhone, half Blackberry. Looks like they left out a cheesy closer like “Half iPhone, half Blackberry… but all awesomesauce” or some shit like that. It almost sounds like a cool sitcom. I would atleast check out the pilot episode and DVR the rest to watch at a later date when I am baked off my ass with the better weed I bought with the money I saved by not buying an actual iPhone (and switching to Geico!).

Shit, Jay just texted me saying this broad let him give her a swirly while smashing pissers. I totally wrote back “LOL” as that is a good response to such epic win.

This Chinese iBlackPhoneBerry… iBerry… BlackPhone… boasts a lot of cool features and looks like it runs on a newer Ophone operating System and can even let you watch analog tv. I can’t wait to watch the 6 O’ Clock news while taking a dump at work on this thing. Just the thought of it makes me giddy like a Michael Jackson zombie rising out of a casket made out of little boy assholes and pee pees. But honestly, this phone looks bad ass, especially considering it will most likely do all the crap everyone wants a phone to do for the price of a night out with the finest white-trash slut in the dive bar: a gram of cocaine and a 30-rack of Bud Light… Uhhh… about $88.

Jay totally just sent back “i no rite. lets do sum jaeger bombz l8r”. I am so down for that shit.

So why do we, as a nation, spend so damn much on phones when we can just get the same shit a couple months later for significantly less? It’s cool to want the real deal. It really is cool to have something companies trick you into thinking you need before everyone else falls for it. It’s cool to want to own an M3 (a REAL M3). What’s even cooler is straining your budget to own such things. I love technology as much as the next nerd. I’m also broke and can’t afford such ridiculous things so my interest is focused on the cheaper stuff that gets the job done. Yours should be too.

Jay is outside now so I gotta bounce, mad J-bombz need to be consumed, yo!

I can’t fucking wait to get my hands on that Palm Pre knock off so I can text and drive for less.

(In all seriousness, check out the pics of that phone at … Power to the poor people!)

Category: Nerd Culture

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