(Article by nerdbastards contributor Melissa Fouch Machowski)
Nerds and engineers are already a strange bunch but these creations are over the top stupid, even Louis Skolnick would find these devices odd. Being an engineer and geek myself, I understand the allure of having a strange piece of hardware that is unique and not very practical, but these devices seem more appropriate for someone who does high school audio visual aids then the everyday geek.
9. Shoe dryer. The fact that this item ranks as number nine should give you an idea of the things to come. Are people that retarded they actually spend money on something shaped like a dog that dries your shoes from the inside out? Do us all a favor and leave your wet shoes on instead of forcing us to deal with the horrendous smell of your wet socks. I won’t even go into the novel idea of wearing waterproof boots, if you bought these you are beyond that stage already.
8. Fragrance dispenser. This one may find a home in small cubicle farms where both male and female nerds with substandard hygiene practices work closely together for extended periods of time but other then that, why?
7. Gloves. Laptops are meant to be used inside people. On the other hand maybe you have been playing WOW so much that you forgot to pay the gas bill and now have no heat. Either way your an idiot, at least you will be able to keep you feet warm as well with a pair of usb powered slippers, if they only made a usb snuggie you would be all set.
6. Eye Warmer. I am sensing a pattern here. Get off the damn computer and pay the gas bill. Seriously what would possess you to want to put two small, what are essentially padded hot plates, over your eyes?
5. Eyelash Curler. Why do you need this? Only nerds buy senseless computer gadgets and I don’t know too many nerds who care that much about their eye lashes. Personal grooming doesn’t rank that high on many female and especially male nerd’s things to remember list. Most female nerds I know are lucky if they remember to comb their hair in the morning, and forget a night out on the town. Their idea of a night out is eating chinese take out at a friends house, watching an X-Files marathon.
4. Boob warming pads. There is no way to justify this at all except, that this was the only way some lonely nerd design engineer was going to actually get to touch a boob.
3. 10 function vibrator. They say that the first people to invest heavily in a new technology is the porn industry. This was bound to come out sooner or later, I guess it’s just the fact that I am a guy but this thing looks creepy.
2. Toothbrush. I guess this would prove useful after those long binges of Mountain Dew and Ramen but seriously.
1. The Plant Doctor. This actually seems at first glance to serve a purpose until you look at the market a little more carefully. The idea behind it is to stick it in the ground and it will analyze your soil, then take it back and plug it in and it will tell you what kinds of plants you can grow. This would be good if nerds or geeks EVER WENT OUTSIDE. Only a real nerd would ever use or need something like this but what nerd would spend all that time digging in the dirt to look at pretty flowers or fruits and vegetables that he will never eat. The closest I come to eating vegetables is the corn syrup in Mountain Dew. This is a prime example of why sales and marketing people are not geek compatible.
0. Humidifier. This is just too easy, I learned at a very early age that you did not mix water an electrify. This is the dumbest idea, the fact that an engineer supposedly designed and built this thing makes me ashamed to call myself one. WHY would you want to spray a mist of water vapor ANYWHERE near your computer? What is wrong with people?
That’s it for this week guys. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week and just remember that no matter how stupid your coworkers may seem at least they don’t own one of these devices. You hope.