D&D. Is there anything it can’t do? (Well, it can’t make gold fall out of your pockets or smite an enemy with the wave of  a hand) Being, I feel, some of the sole contributors to games like Warcraft, Final Fantasy, God, MOST RPG’s and fantasy games, D&D was the pioneer when all you had was dice and your imagination. I love it. A lot of people don’t know what it entails, and I’m not here to explain it to you. No. I am here to talk class with you. Do you know that beginning stage in any game where its time pick your character’s CLASS? Yeah, like Oblivion, Dragon Age, Final Fantasy 1 for regular Nintendo, even Fallout 3!! Well in D&D back in the 70’s when the books were paperback and then in the 80’s before Advanced Dungeons&Dragons came to be, the books offered classes too. Horrid, horrendous, hideous classes…That I couldn’t believe in their right mind, ANYONE would choose to play as. Here is the Top 5 Worst D&D Classes To Be.

5) The Archer- Ok, do you know who else gets a bonus to using bows??? Elves. And ANYBODY with good dexterity. Before they had FEATS, like quick draw, or double shots or rapid firing it was all was +1 to Hit. That was what your advantage was.. A +1!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4)The Assassin- Ok. Sounds like a cool class, right? Wrong. In the original books, all there was for the Assassin was Thieving Skills, which were partial. And poison creation? Nope, it was just like…Run up to your mark and back stab him..Do you know who else can do that? Regular Thieves who are evil!!!!

3) Alchemist- Ok. An Alchemy proficiency? Cool. Helpful. The Alchemist Class? Worth.. Fuck-O. What in the hell is he gonna do with his  minuses to hit a monster? Hurl a beaker at an Orc? Start talking chemistry and physics to them and bore them to death? Compare beards and spectacles with Dwarves? No, no, no…He’s like the token black guy who dies in every horror movie! He’s your NPC that is riding along to take a GIant’s boulder FOR YOU!!!

2)The Druid- Can’t fight with good weapons. Can’t cast normal priest spells. Can’t cast mage spells. Can’t wear barely any armor. Can’t summon animals to fight with him. No, no, no…A druid is USELESS as a playable character until he is higher level, and by then… You wish you just had him as an underling.

1)The Bard- I don’t care about his Charm capabilities! He has to literally have his lute out to lull them into a false sense of security to…Pick his pocket? Why would a bard have pseudo abilities as a thief? None as a warrior, and barely any spells in his repertoire that may help. Any Bard I have added to a campaign has been as comic relief.. If I could customize a Bard and make him insanely strong, with a beautifully cast adamantite lute/guitar, that he could strum beautifully to make a group of orcs smile dreamily, than when they don’t know it, he brings it over head and crushes a skull in!!! See?! I just made him cool, because he doesn’t exist!!

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