(Article submitted for your approval by Nerdbastards fan and possible future writer Nick Womack)
What man would get tired of being surrounded by beautiful woman? Naked beautiful women? (hand remains down forever) Recently, Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen: Twilight) was at a photo shoot for Details magazine, where for several hours, he was bombarded by nude women. It was reported that he said he was “allergic to vaginas.”
“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours…Thank God I was hungover.”
WHAT THE FUCK? You have 90% of American teenage girls wanting your vampire cock, and you’re allergic to their bat caves? Yes, you could only pound on about 10 of those 600,000 due to legal reasons, but still. And then to add on to his horrible choice of words, he goes on to say that the only impotant relationship he has is with his dog. So instead of having odaxelagnia, aka an attraction to vampires, he appears to have beastiality, aka a sexual fondness of animals. Sorry ladies — the only way you’re getting his vampire dick is to turn into a basset hound. That, or go on your cycle; I’m sure he wouldn’t care if you had a vagina as long as it’s bleeding.