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The Most Wanted Non-Existing Action Figures

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With all the awesome toys being announced at NY Toy Fair (we’ll be putting together a best of list this weekend) 2010 is geared up to be one awesome year for action figure enthusists. Case in point. We’re finally getting action figures of Adult Swims The Venture Bros ( it’s about goddamn time). However, this is yet another year where toy companies have failed to announce some of nerd pop cultures most wanted toys. In recent years us nerds have been privileged to buy just about every character , in action figure form, from every nerd medium. Its been great but there are some no brainer toys that should have been made by now. A few months ago we compiled a list of the most wanted non-existing action figures. Sadly not one of these most wanted toys were announced at this years NY Toy Fair. We’ve decided to re-post this list as a request to the toy companies (you know who you are) to get on the ball and deliver these toys in 2011

Nerd action figure enthusiasts have little to complain about these days. It’s hard to gripe when pretty much every pop culture character in every medium from movies, comics, video games, T.V. and so on have spawned little plastic figures honoring their image.  Instead of listing all the wonderful toys that are out there I challenge you to think of what doesn’t exist? Go ahead I’ll wait a minute. It’s tough isn’t it? Well that’s ok we’ve done the work for you. Here are the most wanted, non existing action figures. ATTENTION: Neca, McFarlane, Diamond Select and all you other toy companys, will you hurry up and make these figures. Seriously, there are toys here that should have been made over a decade ago. What’s the hold up?

Fight Club 2(Custom Tyler Durden Resin Model Kit)

Fight Club- “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time”. My life is ending one minute at a time until I get me some Fight Club Figures. Most Wanted Figs: Tyler Durden w/ soap. Jack (A.K.A Durdens whiny business man alter ego) w/penguin. Marla w/ dildo (it’s not a threat to you) and Robert ‘Bob’ Paulson w/squishy tits.

future(Custom Dr. Brown and Marty McFly)

Back To The Future– Great Scott! That’s Heavy! Those are just few thoughts that come to mind when I think of the lack of Back to The Future toys that are out there. Sure we got those cute BTTF minimates and those old McDonalds BTTF cartoon toys but nither of those count. I want detailed, 6 inch scaled movie versions. They could make a whole line with endless assortments and I would be every one of them. The figure possibilities are endless. Sure they can produce generic Marty McFly and Dr. Brown but what about their 1985, 2015 and 1885 versions? Most wanted figs: BTTF 2 Dr. Brown w/Marty’s kids jailed paper, BTTF Marty McFly w/ hover board and BTTF Biff w/ oh la la magazine.

hippo(Custom King Hippo)

Punch Out- In my opinion Punch Out is the greatest re-playable old school NES game. Though, I have still yet to beat Mike Tyson and or Mr. Dream the one thing I think about when I play thru this game on lonely, cold, drunken nights is “WOW, these would make some really awesome action figures”. Most wanted Figs: the whole rogues gallery. Little Mac, Doc, Glass Joe, Von Kaiser, Piston Honda, Don Flamenco, King Hippo, Great Tiger, Bald Bull, Soda Popinski, Mr. Sandman, and Mike Tyson.

_ShoNuff

The Last Dragon- Ah the 80’s black martial arts film about a black Bruce Lee, a cult classic.  My life might very well be complete on the day I can say that I have a Sho’Nuff on my shelf. Most wanted Figs: Bruce Lee Roi, Sophie Green, Eddie Arkadian and Sho’Nuff. Actually forget the first 3 figures, there all gay. Just give us a Sho’Nuff goddammit!

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Bill and Ted–  Some of you might remember the Bill and Ted Excellent cartoon from the early 90’s that spawned rockin Bill and Ted action figures that included Bill, Ted, Rufus, Genghis Khan, Billy the Kid, Abraham Lincoln and even Death. Though these toys were totally bodacious they were from the cartoon. We have still yet to see fully detailed movie versions. Most wanted figs: Everyone listed above would make a fine choice but we would also need good robot Bill and Ted (Stations Creation) and well, Station and perhaps ‘The Babes’.

sopranotony(Custom Tony Soprano)

Sopranos– If simply being able to say “I’m going to play with my Big Pussy” doesn’t sell you then what about being able to play with Meadow Soprano, huh, huh? Come on everyone needs an italion mafiso like Tony Soprano to keep all there other action figures in line. I’m sure there are some die hard Soprano fans out there that would want every character but the most wanted figs would be: Tony Soprano, Meadow Soprano, Big Pussy, Paulie Walnuts, Christopher Moltisanti, Silvio Dante and Furio Giunta

Madmartigan_Strip(Custom Mad Martigan)

Willow- Up until just moments ago I forgot about the old Willow toys from Tonka, they were like tiny army men on horses. I guess since Willow has made into toy form it really shouldn’t be on this list but you know what nobody really remembers these crap toys and even if you do there not something you’re proud to display on your shelf or ahem play with from time to time. We all want to have a play fight with a good Mad Martigan and General Kael figure. Most wanted figs: Willow w/ Elora Danan baby, Mad Martigan, w/ the brownies Franjean and Rool, Sorsha, Queen Bavmorda and General Kael w/removable skull mask.

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The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. – Minus the few Ash figures from Evil Dead there really doesn’t seem to be much Bruce Campbell love in the action figure world. Although it was a short lived series The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. is the second most celebrated work of Mr. Bruce Campbell. The show is over a decade old and most folks don’t really talk much about it anymore but that doesn’t mean an action figure of Brisco County isn’t warranted. Most wanted figs: Brisco County Jr., Lord Bowler and John Bly.

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Bloodsport- Van Dammit! Is it to much to ask for diorama of the above image? Most wanted figs: Frank Dux , Ray Jackson and Chong Li.

pulp(Custom Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfiled)

Pulp Fiction- Now I love my Kill Bill and Reservoir Dog figs as much as the next guy but why the hell did these get made before Pulp Fiction?  Taratino’s most iconic film and all we got to show for it are those damn minimates? Where is my Butch Coolidge with samurai sword goddammit? Most wanted figs: Jules Winnfiled w/ Kahuna Burger and Bad Mother Fucker wallet, Vincent Vega w/suitcase, Mia Wallace w/ attachable syringe, Winston Wolf w/ Coffee, Marsellus Wallace w/ alternative gagged mouth head, Captain Koons w/ watch, Butch Coolidge w/ watch and Samurai Sword.

spaceballs-figures

Space Balls– If Dark Helmet can play with toys why can’t we? Seriously, next to Space Balls the flamethrower there has been nothing more desired than Space Balls the action figures. Most wanted figs: Lonestar w/prince necklace and Schwartz ring of course. Barf w/ dog food jar and exchangeable squished foot. Princess Vespa w/ Spaceballs rifle and Industrial Sized Hairdryer. Dot Matrix w/working virgin alarm. Lord Dark Helmet w/ removable helmet and Schwartz (the downside). President Skroob w/ option to face his head backwards (transporter scene?). Speaking of Mel Brooks no Space Balls action figure set would be complete without Yogurt. Each and every figure should have a button/ talk feature so that we can hear each of their own famous quotes but yogurt trumps them all. “May the Schwartz be with you” is all the kiddies want.

Category: Nerd Culture

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