Top 5 Villainous Foods


When I say villainous foods I’m not talking about the tub of cookie dough or that meat lovers pizza your fat ass can’t resist eating. I’m referring to 5 badass, baddies that just happen to be made out of food. Why only 5? Well, because there are only 5 worth mentioning. Sure I could probably add some lame, one shot bad guy from Power Rangers but that’s just stupid. Nobody likes Power Rangers, unless of course your 5 years old or perhaps a little slow in the head. Anyway, lets jump right in and take a look at the best of the best, yummy foodies that would totally kill you.
#5 The Stuff (The Stuff) – Not many folks remember or even know of this 80’s, B horror movie about killer yogurt. The plot of the movie was simple: Yummy goo erupts from the earth, some guy finds it and decides to eat it and is amazed it how good it tastes. Long story short, some evil assholes decide to market “The Stuff”. It becomes a desert sensation, unfortunately, it takes over the brains of those who eat it, turning them into zombie like creatures. I’m pretty sure “The Stuff” exists in real life. Seriously, have you seen those Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt commercials? I swear that hermaphrodite, zombie is trying to do more than give you a bowel movement.

# 4 Killer Tomatoes (Attack of The Killer Tomatoes)- Ah, the classic cult comedy about tomatoes who become sentient and revolt against humanity. If you need a laugh or just want to kill time with a silly flick, then this one is definitely a must-see! Beware the tomatoes!!!

# 3 Flying Spaghetti Monster– FSM is the deity of the parody religion the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas state board of education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools. According to Henderson, since the intelligent design movement uses ambiguous references to an unspecified “Intelligent Designer”, this leaves open any conceivable entity to fulfill that role, even a Flying Spaghetti Monster. (thank you wikipedia). So why is a the all father of Ramen on this list? Well, though, he may be a funny poke at religion for the atheists among us, he is one blasphemous, abomination to the servants of Christ who will never be touched by his noodley appendage. I apologize in advance for the religious comment war that is sure to ensue.

#2 Pizza The Hut (Space Balls) Though he may be delicious, this gooey badass, Mafioso wants his money and if he don’t get it he is “going to send out for you”. Though I suppose if he ate you up you could probably just eat your way out of his pepperoni lined stomach.

#1 Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Ghostbusters) Though he started out as an incarnation of Gozer this fictitious mascot of Mallow has transcended and become the most iconic monster of all time, “something that could never possibly destroy us”.

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