Editors Note: We were supposed to have a new ‘List’ for you today but after an all nighter full or drinking and watching a marathon of “Golden Girls” (Betty White is so hot!) we plum forgot. While we sober up, please enjoy a list from our vault. It’s one of our favorites.
The majority of Sci-Fi/Fantasy films feature, for the most part the ugliest of uglies in the creature department. What with the Aliens, the Predators and the Linda Hamilton’s (ugly as fuck in both T1, T2 and that Beauty and the Beast T.V. show). However on rare occasion one will encounter, in often glorious fashion a cute, cuddly and friendly creature that makes you go “Awww I want one” or on some cases want to share a brewski with.
You know Em’, you love Em’ here are the top 10 cutest creatures of Sci-Fi.
Teddy (A.I.) ” Don’t drop me, I’ll break”. A super toy companion for David, a mechanized replacement for a mothers lost son. Teddy is wise, loyal and brave — a kind of humanized watch-bear — and provides much-needed comic relief to an often dark and painful tale that is A.I.. Teddy in my opinion is the real star of the film and if I must say cuddliest. Jude Law as Gigolo Joe being the second (Wait, what? I didn’t say that).
Howard T. Duck (Howard The Duck) George Lucas, who produced the flick has said that Howard the Duck is his only regret (Really Lucas, Really?) but we think the film is one of gods many gifts to the movie industry and the nerd community. Sure the jokes are terrible, the dialogue sub-par, the plot laughable. But you know what, you’ll laugh you ass off. Regardless of the films quality you can’t help but be amused at the site of a 3 foot tall, ill tempered, talking duck.
Falcor (The Never Ending Story) Why is he called a luck dragon, well he is obviously a pussy magnet. Ride one of these guys and your bound to get lucky. You think Bastian was screaming “YEAAA” just for the fun of it? The little bastard clearly banged the hell out of the Childelike Empress. On a side note did you know Jack Black was in The Never Ending Story 3, actually for that matter did you even know there was a Never Ending Story 3? Ya, it was crap.
William The Worm (Labyrinth) “‘Allo”. As cute as this worm is one may wonder about his sexuality. Just look at him, what worm has such styled hair and sports a scarf? Metrosexual perhaps but I’m inclined to think he is the Elton John of the Worm community. On a side note, I always wondered what would have happened had Sarah gone inside to meet the Mrs.. Bet these worm folks throw the illest wall parties in all of the Labyrinth.
Gordon Shumway (Alf) “Give me Three”. Ah Alf, with your sarcastic wit, fluffy exterior and hilarious escapades why couldn’t have your crashed landed into my garage? Hugging a stuffed animal of your likeness just isn’t the same.
Alf made two come backs. Well 3 if you count those 1-800-Collect commercials. The two most memorable would be when he came back in POG form and his lesser known television talk show. As to why either of these never could stood the test of time I’ll never know.
Fizzgig (The Dark Crystal) Though Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal is a fantasy cult classic it is one fucked upped flick, for kids and adults. I would not recommend watching this on any form of hallucinogenic drug. Unless you want to die. Then go for it. Goo, just thinking about the Skesis and that witch lady with the one eye gives me the hibbie jeebies. Pretty much the only none nightmare inducing character is Kira’s pet Fizzgig. Though seemingly cute and innocent this bouncing ball of fur has bite, what with the shark like teeth and all.
CJ7 (CJ7) From the guy that brought you Shaolin Soccer (Stephen Chow) comes the SCI-FI creature film you’ve never seen. A departure from Chow’s potty and slapstick humor CJ7 is a heart warming classic tale of a boy and his dog but in this case the dog is gummi bear like alien. As if looking like a cute rubbery bath toy isn’t enough, the effort CJ7 goes to make Dicky (kid in the picture) happy is just too precious. Of course when Dick and I do mean dick, thinking CJ7 is just a toy, acts out his child hood frustrations by beating the shit out of him is a bit infuriating but hey it’s what kids do.
Puckmaren (Flight of The Navigator) Whats worse, the fact that this little bush baby like creature’s home world got destroyed by a comet or that he had to live the majority of his time since, flying around, in a talking PEE WEE Herman ship? I myself would have welcomed deaths sweet embrace. The puckermaren is currently living out of a 1978 back pack.
Ewoks (Return of The Jedi) As Star Wars fans we have a love hate relationship for these pint sized teddy bears with spears. Sure they are cute as hell but damn if we are to believe a small army these guys, as primitive as they are were able to bring down the technological Empire. Fucking ridiculous. There saving grace besides being adorable is they were closest thing to a black man besides Lando… and we all know he wasn’t really black.
Gizmo (Gremlins) Would you really have expected anything less for the number one spot? OK, forgetting the fact Gizmo is voiced by Howie Mandel and that Gremlins had possibly the worst plot hole in any movie, “Don’t feed them after midnight”, just when exactly was Gizmo supposed to eat? Regardless, this mogwai is by far the cutest of all Sci-Fi creatures. Most notably in Gremlins 2: The New Batch when Gizmo embraces his inner Rambo. Pumps some iron, punches the bag, and builds himself a bow and arrow out of a paper clip, White-Out and a pencil. Then fucks up the mutated mo-hawked, tarantula gremlin. Boom-Boom mother fucker!