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It has always been, in my opinion one of the most stupid and ass brained reversals in the history of cinema. Like an Irish whip in Wrestling that your opponent didn’t here you whisper, it is an awkward and “stumbly” representation of what should’ve been a smooth transition with technology the way it was at the time. But alas…One of my favorite scenes in movie history was carved up like an ivory skinned, nekkid chick in Eli Roth’s Hostel, and I couldn’t have been more disappointed. What an intro you might think. A tad long winded perhaps? Not so. A big deal to a NerdBastard, and a debate that, while it may bring you to your knees in aggravation, is a clean cut argument.

Who fired first, Han Solo or Greedo?…With a twist.

This is a 13 year old argument but one I’ve never tackled myself, so.. “HAVE AT YOU!” (Video Game quote. Who does that?) The special effects in the re-released version of the Star Wars Triology were sub-par if that, and the scene in question went as follows ; Han and Greedo are having a discussion at gunpoint, while Greedo doesn’t know that Han is unholstering his blaster under the bar table, and when Greedo exclaims “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.” Solo says, “Yeah, I bet you have. “BANG!!!”

Perfect! Untainted and seamlessly poetic, though in these PC times that was 97’ Lucas decided that Greedo was “Murdered” by our hero protagonist and not self defending. In the re-release, Solo does this horribly cropped, and totally unrealistic dodge to the side when Greedo fires his blaster first, although he has just talked for 5 minutes about taking him back alive…Then Solo…Ya get it. So why is everyone up in arms after all these years? Because besides Solo running into a man sized Jabba outside his ship, they didn’t want a smuggler/thief/hustler/scumbag like Han to be a “Murderer”! He had a guy with a gun in his face, and was about to take him away, what would he do? Mos Eisley, a hive of scum and villainy, what did he expect? So I did some research.

In the Smooth Criminal video by Michael Jackson, he is in mid dance facing a woman. Behind him, a very Cuban looking individual is approaching him with a knife, and Michael, a smooth CRIMINAL, like Han Solo, turns and nonchalantly blasts him with a sixer. Why would MTV air that filth and not make the Cuban stab first and have the King of Pop blast in self defense? It’s racial. Totally racial. It’s cuz, Solo is Corellian isn’t it? A black or white man from America? No problem with the video, but Solo and his people have been persecuted for hundreds of years! Michael Jackson blatantly MURDERS a backstabber in a bar in full view of the restaurant, while dancing…Han Solo discreetly blasts an alien under a table, while having a blaster pointed out in the open at his chest, and is being heckled.

You be the Judge. Who deserved the terrible editing? That ruined a scene in a classic movie and pissed off fans worldwide, or Michael Jackson using a killer dance move, like moonwalking away from the knife attack, and THEN blowing the guy away. Below, you will see Han Solo’s TERRIBLE head dodge in Slow -Mo, proving the original footage to be superior.

Final summation: Solo shot first. Always has, always will…..And so did Michael.

Category: Film

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