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Everyone’s favorite vampire porn, True Blood is BACK! The 3rd season of HBOs hit show premiered last night and the episode fang banged us so much that that we just to had run back here and tell you all about it. This recap/review marks the first in weekly coverage by nerdbastards contributor David Manly. So be sure to check back weekly for the full report on televisions hottest hour of vampires, werewolves, and wild sex orgies, OH MY! (for more on David you can follow him on Twitter)

First off, let me just warn you that there are full spoilers ahead in this review of the season three premier of True Blood, entitled “Bad Blood.”

This episode began within a few minutes of the end of season two, which allowed us to catch up with all the characters as they explore the particular situations they have found themselves. The most significant development this season was revealed at the very end of the episode, but unless you have been buried alive the past few months, you are well aware that werewolves find their way into Bon Temps.

So, it was no real surprise to learn that it was werewolves that kidnapped Bill, but what was interesting is how much the werewolves love vampire blood. It seems that they go crazy for it – but before we could find out who they were bringing Bill to, he caused them to crash in Mississippi.

We also got caught up with Tara, who was so busy grieving and attempting to kill herself over the death of Eggs, that I stopped caring. I never bought their romance last season, and the grief and pain Tara is going through just felt hollow. The only emotions in that scene came from Lafayette talking to his mom and saying, “Bitch. You. Me. Bridge. Ain’t never gonna mother@#$%in’ happen!”

But, that type of satirical wonderland is right where True Blood calls home. You can tell that the writers have fun with their characters – like Jessica trying to revive a dead man with her own blood, Sam having a homo-erotic sex dream with Bill from drinking his blood last season, and Andy saying, “Conscience off. Dick on!”

I noticed two interesting things within the show that seem to hint at future plot developments, so feel free to skip the next paragraph if you want to remain spoiler-free.

When Jason was talking to Hoyt outside, he had a panther hat on. Now, I have a friend who read the books, and she told me that (at least in the books), Jason becomes what is known as a “were-panther.” Could the hat be a subtle teaser of things to come? Also, when Jason was talking to the girls at Merlotte’s, one of the girls mentioned that they are going to veterinary school to study “canine psychology,” which could hint that she is either a werewolf or looking to become one. Now, I don’t know if I am correct, these are just my assumptions.

It seems that we will be treated to a lot more Pam and Eric this season, and I for one am greatly looking forward to this. Pam can deadpan any line and turn it into something hilarious, and Eric is an amazing character, no matter who he interacts with.

I feel I must mention that girls probably went wild when Eric exposed himself to Sookie, when she interrupted his six hour sex marathon with his new dancer. Sometimes, shows do things just to placate the masses.

We also got re-introduced to Queen Sophie-Anne and the Magister, who were discussing the sudden increase of V being sold in Eric’s territory. With the werewolves going doggone crazy for V, and Bon Temps rapidly becoming the place to go for a V hook-up; these two plotlines will probably meet and create some wonderfully blood-soaked carnage.

And lastly, Sam is looking for his shape-shifting family. Nothing too much came from this so far, but it does look like he may have found their house.

With werewolves already known to be introduced this season, the end reveal that Bill was in Mississippi (which is apparently werewolf country) and about to do battle with a pack, was not that surprising. But, with so many storylines going on at the same time, there was more than enough for me to sink my teeth into.

I am greatly looking forward to them exploring the vampire-werewolf “bad blood,” as well as Jason’s conscience, Jessica and Sookie’s hunt for Bill, more on this “operation werewolf,” and the current V dilemma with Eric and the Queen.

With the return of True Blood, it promises that this will be yet another killer season.

I give “Bad Blood” a solid eight pints of blood out of ten.

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