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Top 10 Depictions Of Heaven and Hell

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To begin, yes that is a picture of the stairway to heaven.  Not to be confused with the highway to hell.  Though out of the two, wouldn’t you pick the highway?  Who the hell wants to walk up a flight of stairs anymore?  They need an escalator to heaven.  Just sayin’.

This list will be telling you exactly what the top 10 depictions of heaven and hell are in popular culture.  Some are books, some are movies, some are ART.  So prepare to be cultured here by me today, and set aside all religious differences and opinions.  (Mostly because no one wants to hear that bullshit.)  Join me on a journey to hell and back…

10. Little Nicky– All right, so it wasn’t the best movie ever made, but it still had its hilariously funny moments and the depiction of hell it gave was great.  Nicky’s room was made of win with all of his band stickers and musical instruments and Lucifer’s palace was just amazing looking.  The style in which souls entered hell was interesting, a wall of flame.  Also, who didn’t love that every day, The Prince of Darkness gets to shove a pineapple up Hitler’s ass?  Hitler in a french maid costume.  Oh yeah!  (Think kool-aid man voice for that ‘Oh yeah!’)

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9. All Dogs Go To Heaven- This depiction of heaven was freakin’ sweet!  You could float around all day, listening to pink singing dogs and looking down at the world whenever you want to.  Everyone should strive to go to this place when they die, because why would you want to go anywhere else?  “Welcome to doing whatever you wish!….”

8. Buffy The Vampire Slayer– They never show specifically what is known almost universally as ‘hell’, but they do show hell dimensions and in the series finale they give you a direct look down into the Hellmouth through the portal with the evil goat head on it known as The Seal of Danzalthar.  The video is more a montage of hellish things from the series, but it’s good so watch it or your brain shall explode.

7. Spawn- The mercenary Al Simmons gets betrayed and murdered, ends up going to hell.  Makes a deal with the guardian of hell so he can go back to Earth and be reunited with his wife.  Aww, so romantic!  Also one of the best depictions of hell we’ve seen.

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6. Constantine- Yes, this movie had Keanu Reeves in it.  Is that a mark against it? Okay yes, we concede that.  However, the premise of the movie was good and their depiction of hell was nothing short of amazing.  (You may have noticed I prefer hell to heaven depictions…I wonder what that could mean?)  Their hell basically looked how earth would look if it was absolutely demolished by another world war.  Sounds like hell, doesn’t it?  The places you know and love suddenly looking demolished and scary!  Yep, hell.

5. The Garden Of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch– This is a painting.  It depicts more than just hell or heaven, it’s a kind of hodgepodge, you could say.  But to the right of the painting you’ll see the hellish punishments and torments of…well, hell.  Check out the picture of it.  Only the hell section is included for your viewing pleasure.  You can check out the full photo of the painting here.

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4. Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey- This movie has it all, heaven AND hell.  (And Keanu Reeves again…weird.)  I am saying hell wins out over heaven on this.  While playing charades with other dead creatures from the entire universe sounds like a good time in theory, I doubt they all speak English.  Eventually, that’ll grow old.  The hell they depict was pretty bad ass.  It freaked me out when I was a kid.  Old ladies with smushy wet lips and evil Easter bunnies!  Yeah, scary shit.

3. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut- Another movie that depicts both heaven and hell, but in this one we have to choose heaven as the winner.  Sure, hell has Hussein and Lucifer as gay lovers and who doesn’t love that?  But heaven has BOOBIES!  Lots and lots of them.  No one should ever be ashamed to admit they like animated nudity almost as much as the real thing.  (And in some cases, more so.) Sorry for shitty video, couldn’t find a better one on youtube, though there was one in German!

2. The Night On Bald Mountain sequence from Disney’s Fantasia- The mixture of the music with the imagery in this movie is nothing short of amazing.  I could drop acid and watch this shit any day of the week.  (Note to the kiddies: Drugs are bad, mmkay?)  Imagine if they tried to re-do this scene nowadays, how bad would they screw it up?

1. The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri- Probably the best epic poem you were ever forced to read in high school.  I prefer the Inferno part of it, because again, I apparently prefer hell to anything else.  Including heaven.  That’s probably not good.  Anyway, this is by far the best depiction of hell because of the great lengths Dante goes to explain and describe everything he is seeing as he goes along through hell.  The circles of hell and how they are explained are just so detailed that you can really picture it in your mind.  Not much to give you for a picture of this, so deal with what ya got.  A link to the site for the new-ish video game.  It lets you explore the 9 circles of hell.

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