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Resident Evil Afterlife: Review

resident-evil-after-life-poster

I am known for always giving movies a really positive review, even if it doesn’t necessarily deserve it. Well folks, we’ve all been HAD! Times are about to change.
I’ve always maintained that the resident evil films didn’t have ONE thing to do with the video games! Besides character names, the Resident Evil Franchise has been dragged in the mud and lynched up a tree! I don’t know any other franchise that has been as disrespected except perhaps the Fantastic Four.

Using James Cameron’s AVATAR, 3D camera’s first off. You didn’t feel like you were cruising in the jungle, you felt like someones putting claustrophobic glasses on you and throwing handfuls of popcorn in your face.Whatever panache it possessed was robbed with it’s dignity. A movie doesn’t BECOME better just because of the camera!! Did everyone think that the first film out the gate with the “James Camera” was going to need no script?

The film opens up on a gorgeously rendered “Matrix” fight scene with Alice (Milla Jovovich) killing off the remnants of the evil Umbrella Corporation. Then?

Thats it.

The rest of the film focuses on Alice flying in a tiny airplane looking for survivors. Or mainly the crew she sent to “Arcadia” in the last film, (more confusing plot points I will not get into). Unexplainable bad guys digging through the floor, Whesker (head umbrella guy) making things more confusing with his cryptic diatribes (Although he does look like the video game character). The big dude in the commercial, with the butcher outfit on is not a recurring nemesis, but a one time bad guy who got top marquee battle rights. After getting shot in the head a dozen times, it takes a shotgun full of QUARTERS??? to take him out.

The real problem, is this movie goes nowhere. Not like, ” Wow, this movie is heading in the wrong direction!”

It’s like, I was looking side to side, saying aloud “Should we leave? Is anything going to happen? What’s going on here? Who’s that? Is this a trick!?”

The dialog is so bad you rub your temples and say , “whooo….This IS terrifyingly bad.”

But there we GO, that is why I give it 1 out of 5 stars!!! I was TERRIFIED at the dialog. That was some scary shit! All style and no substance make for, what’s sure to be the worst movie of 2010.

(Thank you AMC Framingham 15 for the Ongoing Support of NerdBastards.com)

Category: Featured, Film, Videogames

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