Found: Nerdery in the Flyover States


When you go hunting, you sometimes come back empty handed. But nerdy ridiculousness is hiding out there, just waiting to be photographed and turned into a famous Photoshop contest entry on Fark. But who would have thought that wacky nerd products existed in small towns in Indiana or Ohio?

The dear boyfriend and I recently took a trip through the midwestern states to visit family and friends. We’re dorks, so we tend to look for weirdness wherever we go. The goofiest thing we found was in an incense-laden gas station in Terre Haute, Ind., of all places — Street Fighter condoms. Strange enough, right? But look a little closer and you’ll notice Ryu “hadoukening Chun-Li’s vagina.” (You can thank the boyfriend for that poetry) Quite the “stree overlord” {sic} Ryu is, eh?


Terre Haute didn’t stop at condoms. Though sexcapades weren’t on the menu at Mario Bros. Mexican Cuisine, coin gathering was. This restaurant had caught my eye several times during my trips east, but we actually stopped in for some queso for the first time last week — stopped in for about four minutes, that is. Something sure was stinky in this mushroom kingdom, so we bolted for a lunch that didn’t smell like sewer. Time to call those plumber boys the restaurant seems to be named after.


We left Indiana and made a beeline for a town that had a promising name — Beavercreek, Ohio. Beavercreek didn’t disappoint, as there were statues of the almighty beaver in the school district administration office, the library and even the police department. It was like seven teenaged boys got together to name the town and crack jokes about its dirty mascot. The best use of the name, though? Beaver-Vu Bowling Alley. Ok, it may not be strictly nerd related, but it’s still awesome, right? Go ahead and insert your own vagina joke here. (That’s what she said)


We continued east and arrived at Bellaire, Ohio, home to the Toy and Plastic Brick Museum. Note that they’re not allowed to say “Lego” as promotion. Why on earth is a “plastic brick” museum in a town no one has ever heard about? Who knows? But thank goodness it is, because on Sept. 11 — the new holy day for real ‘mericanz everywhere — we came across this glorious Statue of Liberty WITH A LIGHTSABER. My patriotic heart grew three sizes that day.


Know what else was in that museum? Giant Lego people — presumably Han and Leia in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, but that’s best left to the imagination, given the outcome of the project.


Most things in small-town Ohio close at 8 p.m., it seemed, so we ended up making a midnight run to Walmart in St. Clairsville for some much-needed cough syrup. Luck shined upon us that night, as we found a Namco arcade inside, along with this claw machine full of Pokemon! Catch ‘em all, and you, too can be “Bling King!”


And so ends our nerdy trip through some epically boring flyover states. What kinds of weird things have you come across in your travels?

(All pics by Allison and dear boyfriend. Don’t be douchey and snatch them up, mmmkay?)

Category: Featured, Nerd Culture, WTF?

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