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The land of sex appeal has stretched its dirty little hands far and wide into every form of media, and in the world of comic books it has done its worst. It’s simple really, boobs and babes sell comics. What? Did you think the unrealistic fantasy of the female form in skimpy outfits was some kind of message about woman-hood and feminism? PLEASE! Anyway, thanks to this marketing ploy, a lot of nerds had their first crush on a super heroine – those super powered vixens. When every nerdling grew into his nerd pupa stage they dreamed of having more than just coffee with these spandex wearing ladies. Hell, even yours truly has crushed on the likes of Power Girl and Black Widow. While every hero of the female persuasion may seem like a jaw dropping night to remember, it might become the last night alive if you screw up.

Lets face it, a night of love with every super-babe is a potential catastrophe to your genitalia and possible threat to your life, but the following 10 super-hero females are perhaps the most dangerous.

So, in the off chance some weird dimensional reality portal (those are the worst) opens up and you get the chance to encounter the comic babes of your dreams here’s the top Top 10 “Super Females You Should Not Have Sex With”.

Like every list this is dealer’s choice, so not all these choices may be yours, so feel free to comment about it.

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X-23: Marvel Comics

X-23 was a bi-product of the Weapon X Program’s attempt at cloning Wolverine. A damaged gene sample left geneticists unable to salvage the Y chromosome. So, in the end they ended up with a female Wolverine. A HAWT female Wolverine. Being born with a vagina was not the only difference. Unlike Wolverine she has two claws in her hands instead of 3 and also has claws in her feet. This pint-sized feral femme is certainly easy on the eyes. Bedding this lady killer however is not a good idea. Having the same rage as Wolverine, she could easily lose control and without warning literally crucify you. Ouch! Not, to mention being able make a fillet-0-dick.

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Black Canary: DC Comics

You know how some ladies, when angered, can sound like there shouting their head off? Black Canary can shout your head (big one and little one) off thanks’ to her “Canary Cry”, known to knock people unconscious. Do you really want a metahuman (that’s what they call super people in DC. Go figure) who’d render you deaf forever mid coitus? Wear earplugs and headphones, you’ll thank yourself later.

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Squirrel Girl: Marvel Comics

Doreen Green, aka Squirrel Girl (coincidentally I knew a girl named Doreen who looked like a Squirrel. Must be a trend), is the only Canadian to make this list. Her power lacking, controlling squirrels obviously. It seems like it be really fun to kiss a girl who’s lips takes like hazelnuts wouldn’t it? The eyes say yes, but the sharp nails against your back and buck teeth on your acorns say other wise. Squirrel Girl gives new meaning to having a mouthful of nuts, hope you likes using them.

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Zatanna: DC Comics

A lady who really knows how to use her hand (schwing), she can pull more than a rabbit outta your hat. Master of magic, she recites her spells backwards in order to use them. After a night of seeing who can remove their ropes the quickest it might result in the ssol fo rouy sinep (don’t read aloud). Learn pig latin, might be able to bring it back.

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Mystique: Marvel Comics

The Mutant shape shifter, that can become anyone she chooses, it’s like any guys fantasy. Bonus points for being a MILF and yes she is a mother (Nightcrawler still hasn’t give her a mothers day present). Her only drawback is that if your doing a bad job in her X-Mansion (lame innuendo?) , she’s gonna show you how it’s done (She can grow a dick people!) Pray you were never a choir boy, Father Mcgully might be saying hi again.

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Liz Sherman: Dark Horse Comics

“Liz” Sherman is the true meaning of hot. This fiery brunette has it all: Looks, brains, the ability to light shit on fire. Already involved with ‘Big Red”, Hellboy, not like you haven’t thought about it. You burn her, however and she’ll give you the one true ‘firecrotch’.

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Raven: DC Comics

Born with incredible power controlled by her emotions, Raven is always on a level head (giggity). This empath with the powers to teleport sounds like the perfect lady to enjoy a night of candles and poetry with. That is until she destroys the place just from quoting her raven, you’ll wonder what made you say “How about my place”.

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Emma Frost: Marvel Comics

Thanks to the artist of X-Men we’ve seen that sex appeal I was talking about in the form of the frosty vixen known as the “White Queen”. Ms. Frost has used her powers as a telepath to get more than enemy intel. A night with her would be fantastic, she’d already know what you want. Of, course that’s a double edged sword. Think about anyone else and she’ll turn her vagina into a diamond and crush your junk into dust or she’ll wipe your mind faster than you can say “I like pudding”.

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Rogue: Marvel Comics

This mutant with the power to absorb power based on skin to skin contact this just screams “me next”. Able to have the powers of the greatest hero’s and look like a perfect 10 model, it’s every boys wet dream. Too bad, staying together to long will kill you, try if you dare. Gives the ladies a new meaning to sucking you dry.

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She Hulk: Marvel Comics

One of the strongest woman in the Marvel universe She-Hulk will break more than your bed at night. The super powered alter-ego lawyer Jennifer Susan Walters, she’s stronger than the like of Hercules and the Thing. That night of passion is gonna be more like prison rape when it’s all said and done. Let’s face it, when you fuck a Hulk your always gonna be the bitch.

All woman are hot and every woman sexy, having powers is just a bonus. If your ever involved in as super relationship, make sure her powers don’t involve bending anything that looks like your equipment. It might come back in spades when love crashes and burns.

Agree? Disagree? You can only be as good as who you listen to. Leave your comments at the bottom of the page if you have any alternatives.

Category: Comics, Featured

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