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Over at Bleeding Cool they got a hold of a script of the David E. Kelly ‘Wonder Woman’ pilot and describe some of the details without major spoilers.  You can check those notes out after the jump, now your going to read my rant, and rant I shall.

WHAT THE FUDGE!!!!  Wonder Woman has always been a hard sell.  Strong female characters don’t usually do very well in mainstream comic book’s world of young males, but one thing has always been Wonder Woman’s, the Greek Mythos.  Where is the Greek Mythos?  Don’t those idiots in Hollywood understand that a proper update of the Greek Mythos into the modern world with Wonder Woman as the dam (Dame) that holds it all at bay to protect mankind would kill.

Think of all those adolescent readers of the hugely successful Percy Jackson series which melds the ancient Greek Mythos into the modern day world.  Take those prepubescent boys and girls and give them a hot Wonder Woman battling those same Greek gods, demigods, and monsters in the modern world and you’ll have every one of them wondering about that strange tingling in their pants.

Instead we get a mash up of Ally Mcbeal and Boston Public.  Wonder Woman running a company during the day and fighting crime at night is just about the worst idea I have ever heard.  Why do I keep picturing the plot of Hally Barry’s atrocious Catwoman in my head?  Wonder Woman’s main villain is “Veronica Cale, who in this continuity is an evil scientist and rival businesswoman with a secret, nefarious plan that you’ll probably guess ahead of time.”

Ohhh, an evil businesswoman, shave that bitch’s head and just call her Lex Luther for Pete’s sack!

I can picture the scene where Wonder Woman (In her trim business suited alter ego) and her evil nemesis Veronica Cale swap hard glares at each other.  Of course my dream then turns into a cat fight, ripping of clothes, kissing and heavy petting, I never get past that though.  I just wake up sweaty and strangely satisfied.

Well go ahead and check out the details after the jump.  Afterwords you can start getting the pitchforks gathered.  I’ll start cutting torches for the angry Nerdbastard mob.

This new Wonder Woman does feature a lot of elements and characters from the comics continuity:

  • There’s a Myndi Mayer, herein portrayed as Diana’s BFF.
  • There’s a scene with comics character Etta Candy, a role that’s pretty much written like a job offer to Melissa McCarthy.
  • Long ago, government man Steve Trevor crashed onto Wonder Woman’s island and brought her back to New York, but now they’ve split up. She still loves him, though, and it’s obvious that their relationship is going to be a focus.
  • Diana might not have an invisible jet (if she did, I didn’t see it) but she has a whole rainbow’s worth of over coloured aircraft.
  • She has the lasso, and those bracelets with which she deflects bullets.
  • Her nemesis is Veronica Cale, who in this continuity is an evil scientist and rival businesswoman with a secret, nefarious plan that you’ll probably guess ahead of time.

But there’s a lot that’s different too. As well as her Diana Prince alter ego (the Clark Kent disguise that’s achieved by putting her hair up, wearing glasses and cutting back on the make-up) Wonder Woman also has a third guise and a day job as Diana Themyscyra, the head of Themiscyra industries. While little Ms. Prince is a disguise, it is well known in this world that Ms. T and Wonder W are the same – think Tony Stark and Iron Man from the end of their first film on.

There’s a CSI-ish group of science-nerd 20-somethings living in her basement that dance to Kanye West and will doubtlessly help Diana solve any number of crimes in further episodes.

But who is she? Like, you know, emotionally?

Well, this Wonder Woman:

  • Identifies with ET the Extra Terrestrial when his movie comes on TV.
  • Really loves planes. Like really.
  • Pines for Steve like Carrie for Big.
  • Wants to belong and be “among” people, not just “with” them.
  • Sings along to the radio in multiple scenes – but nothing with a hairbrush in front of the mirror just yet.
  • Doesn’t like being “marketed, commercialized, merchandised”, though she is – there’s a joke about Wonder Woman tie-in dolls having their costumes redesigned that seems to reference the recent makeover for the comics.
  • When she’s Diana Prince she’s a mousey Miley Stewart, when she’s Diana Themiscyra she’s the Hanna Montana of businesswomen, and when she’s Wonder Woman she’s Wonder Woman – which is precisely twice in the whole episode.
  • Is a capitalist.
  • Puts on her PJs for an ice-cream filled sleepover with best friend Myndi.

So, well, well, well, what do you know? It’s a slightly goofy comedy-drama about a hotshot business woman who moonlights as a superheroine, packed with Girl Power pop-songs and including the awkward phrase “You go, girl.” But does it work? Well, some of the jokes are good, but the general dramatic situation seems a bit thin, the character relationships are, to be kind, familiar, and there’s nothing in the plot that merits any special recognition. As Buffy-inspired as this script no doubt was, Joss Whedon it ain’t. Can you imagine Whedon having an action scene play out to Beyonce’s Single Ladies?

Incidentally, the other songs in the script are: One Way or Another by Blondie; Wonder of You by Jeffrey McDonald; Golddigger by Kanye West; Bad Romance by Lady Gaga; Last of the American Girls and Extraordinary Girl by Green Day; Pepinot by Les Choristes; I Only Know How to Love by Christina Aguilera. Wot no Spice Girls?

The two best jokes involve a prostrate Buzz Lightyear, and then Diana’s explanation of how her bullet-deflecting bracelets work.


Category: Comics, TV

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