I’m going to apologize right up front to all the female Nerdbastard readers out there. I just couldn’t bring myself to hunt up ten matching sexy male robots for you gals. If any of you would like to counter my list with a sexy “Top Ten Male Robots” list, I’m sure Luke would be glad to post it. In the mean time why not let us fellas enjoy this trip down sexy robot lane.
Guys, make sure your well lubricated . . . I mean grab a beer, sit down, and don’t burn out any of your circuits checking out this list of Ten Sexy Female Robots.
10. Pris– Blade Runner: Pris is a “pleasure model” (incepted on Valentine’s Day) created for entertainment and thus even more of a slave-object than the others. On top of that, she can do ultra-quick cartwheels across apartments! She can pull boiling eggs out of a saucepan with her bare hands! She can crush a man’s head with her thighs!
9. Cherry 2000 – The ultimate sex/companion robot. If you wanted a robot wife from the 1950’s, she was your gal. I for one prefer a little danger in the relationship. Cherry 2000 was just a little too cheerful for my tastes.
8. Annalee Call – Alien Resurrection: Now here was a robot that pushed all the geek boy buttons. Hiding her robot nature while remaining cute as a button. Of course you would have to pay for all those shoplifted items.
7. Angelina Jolie – Cyborg 2: If I have to explain it to you then you just don’t get it, you might need to see a doctor because your blood is obviously not flowing correctly.
6. Dr Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine: Ah, Vincent Price was the man. Want to take over the world? Make sexy robot babes to seduce the worlds richest and most powerful men in the world. Once you have those men hooked, you call the shots through those oh so sexy robot babes. You know what they say, “Behind every successful man, is a sexy robot woman.”
5. Metropolis – This is the iconic female robot that still today makes geek boys hearts flutter. Those sleek lines, those curves, the subtle soft lines that still project a hard coldness. The influence this styleish robot had can be seen in the artwork of Hajime Sorayama.
4. Fembots – Austin Powers: If a henchman has to go, at least go out like this. The Fembots are the brainchild from the evil mind of . . . Dr. Evil. You wonder why Scott Evil was so screwed up? Imagine all the conflicting emotions of having the Fembots as your Nanny, and then finding out that Frau Farbissina is your real mother . . . talk about an confused Oedipus complex.
3. Terminator – The Sarah Conner Chronicles:
Summer is so sexy that she has spawned a new meme, The Hover Hand. Created when Geek boys are so overwhelmed with her presence that while taking pictures with her, they cannot complete the pose and rest their hand on her shoulder.
2. Female Cylons – It wasn’t enough to have one sexy robot, there had to be three. Three is a magical number. OK, raise your hand if you ever checked your girlfriends back for red lights after watching these Cylon sirens do their thing. I really identify with that one Colonial diplomat at the beginning of the series who waits at the space station for the Cylons to show up. Number Six saunters in while that guys jaw hits the ground. That would be me, jaw on the ground.
1. Rossie the Robot – The Jetsons: Admit it, every geek boy out there has had the Rosie the Robot dream during puberty. Anyone that says they didn’t, probably dreamt about Astro then. Just look at those curves, that lacy apron, not to mention that little French Maid hat. Not many people know it but Rosie was the true inspiration for Spinal Taps song Big Bottom. I found the original lyrics for you loyal readers below.
I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big Chassis drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?