OK, it’s time for all of us to sit down in a circle Indian style, hold hands, and talk out all our frustrations about Micheal Bay‘s Transformer movies. I know it’s hard, like pulling a partially healed scab off. There’s lots of wincing, tears, some blood loss, and don’t forget that stinging pain of iodine to clean the wound. I know everyone has their own personal pains from the Transformers II movie, and it’ll take a lot of hugs, some tears, and stark looks into the dark bleak soul of all the Transformers II testicle jokes that scarred us at our very core.
Maybe there’s hope to be found in the next instalment of Micheal Bay’s Transformer trilogy. After all, the only thing Bay has left in the Transformers box is Hope. Let’s take a look at the Transformers Superbowl Trailer:
Looks pretty dark. Lots of fighting, lots of action, we can only hope that Bay has used up all his robot testicle jokes and is ready to tell an engaging, entertaining story. Now for some breakdown.
Flying robot, good so far.
Flying robot drops something, interesting, go on.
Hey! That’s Optimus in all his sword swinging glory!
So it looks like we’re gonna get some me robot on robot action. Let’s hope that Bay doesn’t make that flying robot that carries Optimus some jerk off stereotype or homophobic over the top gay robot that likes to attach itself to the backside of other robots. Oh wait…
So, yes, Optimus Prime has another robot that he wears as a battle suit. As seen her in io9‘s first look at the $79.99 Mechtech Ultimate Optimus Prime Action Figure.
Now go back to the 26 second mark of the trailer. What the hell happened to Rosie Huntington – Whiteley’s lips? Did she get punched in the kisser by a Decepticon? Were her lips just sore from kissing Bay’s ass? I haven’t seen lips like those since Rocky’s at the end of the Drago fight.
Now take a cleansing breath . . . center yourself . . . chant “Baaaaayyyyyyyssssuuuuccckkkkssss” a few times, and steal yourself to go see some Transformers