HAPPY SAINT PATRICK’S DAY YOU GLORIOUS NERDBASTARDS!
I usually got plenty of pinches on Saint Patrick’s Day because I don’t wear much green, (Insert Green Underwear joke here.) so you can imagine the trouble I had when asked to do a Saint Patrick’s Day inspired Top Ten List. Top Ten Fictional Irish Characters . . . too much work, Top Ten Irish Superheroes . . . boring, Top Ten Irish Legends . . . been there done that, then all those pinches came back in a flood of memory.
Click through the break to find out what the best and greenest of nerdy green things tickle this Nerdbastards fancy.
Godzilla – Oh the Saturdays filled with cartoons in the morning followed by the late night Godzilla marathons on TV.
Go, Go, Godzilla!
Who didn’t fall in love with this giant black and white radioactive lizard monster at first sight. Everyone instinctively knew that Godzilla was green, even in the black and white movies. Crushing tanks, knocking over buildings, fighting insanely giant monsters, and letting loose with that Godzilla scream, what adolescent nerd could resist those monstrous charms.
Greedo – We all know Han shot first, but do we ever really think about Greedo. He had the drop on Han, knows Han, Han’s habits, and still let Han talk. Rookie mistake letting Han talk. That smooth talking smuggler could talk himself into the Emperor’s private washroom; we all know what happened to the last Imperial Stormtrooper that let Jar Jar use the Emperor’s toilet. So here’s to that green alien backstabber Greedo, at least he filled up the Catina’s recycler unit.
Hulk & She-Hulk – Hulk Smash! She-Hulk, just stand there in all that beautiful green glory that tests every young Nerdbastards hormones every month. Hulk was a celebration of raw power, loosed by the rage we all feel sometimes. Sometimes we all just want to be left alone, a common theme at the end of most early Hulk comics.
Green Lantern & Green Arrow – I never paid these two heroes much attention until I came across O’neal and Adam’s run from the early 70’s. This was good stuff, telling stories that meant something to a teenager growing up in the world. My education of the perils of drug addiction, racism, pollution, and overpopulation had started. These stories were decades ahead of their time comic book wise.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I remember buying the black and white copies thinking “what the hell kind of name is that for a comic?” Looking inside I found a fun, fast, interesting tale of turtle ninjas and their rat master. I like Usagi Yojimbo so I though I would give it a try. All the pizza stuff came later when the series targeted a younger audience. Cartoons and movies followed that shaped many a Nerdbastards fragile mind. Last year I forgave Vanilla Ice for Ninja rap, you should do the same, it will feel like a burden has been lifted from your soul.
Shrek – That crass green bastard has done a lot for animated movies. Slap full of nerd jokes and references, Shrek often pays subtle homage to the nerd classics. The series was a great way for Nerdbastard dads everywhere to bring their kids closer to the nerd herd. Love Shrek or Hate Shrek everyone has to admit Shrek has raked in the green.
Sleestacks – I am proud to say this Nerdbastard watched Land of the Lost growing up. That show rocked, I’m saving a shin kick for Will Ferrell when I see him. The green Sleestacks of the show really got my imagination going. I loved the episodes that really focused on them. Those big black eyes and claws scared the crap out of me growing up, “Run Holly run!”
Kermit the Frog – What nerd alive does not pay homage to Kermit. That frog has shaped the life and learning of millions. His quiet calm in the face of backstage antics of Fozzy bear (Wocka Wocka!), and Miss Piggy’s advances still stands as a shiny example for managers everywhere. He taught us all that it wasn’t easy being green, and we were all the better for it.
Yoda – I’m talking old school Yoda here, Dagabah Yoda. What nerd could resist the teachings of that calm and in control master. Everyone does their own Yoda impression and everyone recognizes that speaking style it. If you didn’t tear up when that little guy died in Return of the Jedi don’t let me know about it, I have a shin kick saved for those people too.
Green Goblin – The insane villain of Spiderman, ”Joker” of the Marvel universe. The first time this Nerdbastard ever cried while reading a comic book was when Gwen Stacy fell to her death after being taken to the bridge top by the Green Goblin. Finding out that the Goblin was the father of Peter’s best friend Harry was shocking. Harry’s subsequent drug and mental problems that spurred Harry to follow in his father’s footsteps and don the Green Goblin costume chilled my Nerdbastard bones.
Well that’s it. What did you think? What favorite green thing of yours did I not put in the list? Don’t be afraid to shout out in the comments below.