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Batmanretro(article by nerdbastards contributor Matthew Jackson)

If you were around when Tim Burton’s Batman was released in 1989, you know that the Bat-Symbol was almost literally everywhere. The Dark Knight felt the awesome colossal glare of commercialism, and that meant one thing: merchandising!

But the merchandise created in support of the Batman release wasn’t limited to action figures, die-cast Batmobiles and Happy Meal toys. Oh no. The Dark Knight was out for justice everywhere, including your breakfast.

That’s right, this cereal gives you the fuel you need to strike fear into the hearts of your city’s thugs, kick supervillains in the throat and rappel through a skylight. You know that muffin sitting next to the cereal bowl is terrified

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But things were taken to a new level of awesome when The Caped Crusader attached his name to delicious sandwich cookies

That’s right, these cookies can flat out fly. That’s a power not even Batman himself has.

Things that make this commercial extra awesome:

  1. The music is Prince’s “Batdance.” In case you forgot, Prince contributed several songs to the Batman soundtrack, and they’re quite good for selling treats. Why we haven’t seen Prince’s “Purple Rain” Oreos hit shelves yet, I have no idea.
  2. It’s in Spanish. That’s just automatically awesome.
  3. There’s a kid hanging out in a dark alley just eating these cookies. Who let this kid go out in the smoky Gotham dark? Doesn’t he know Batman is rolling around in a supercar out there? We can only speculate, but it’s very possible those cookies gave him superpowers and he’s just waiting for The Mad Hatter to come by and try to molest him.

Why don’t we have this stuff anymore? When The Dark Knight Rises is finally released, I demand a new Batman cereal that turns milk as black as the Bat-Cowl and makes your voice go all hoarse. Then you can growl at your Mom for both justice AND French toast.

Category: Nerd Culture

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