banner

He’s a giant gamma radiated superhero, he’s the alter-ego of Dr. Bruce Banner, he’s……a Julia Roberts fan?! Well actually, he’s not a fan. Not that we know of anyway, but she is America’s sweetheart. It’s not without reason that Hulk would have a green hard on for the ‘Pretty Woman’, right?

Anyway, by way of some villainous torture or perhaps on a date night with girlfriend Betty Ross, The Hulk was subjected to Julia Roberts film ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. The story of a 30-something American woman who initiates a divorce from her husband before taking a year-long journey around the world to complain about everything and find enlightenment….or something. Little bit of a surprise here, but for a guy that mainly uses a two-word dialogue he has a lot to say about the film and it’s main character Elizabeth Gilbert. A 7,000-word analysis to be precise.

In actuality the piece entitled, “HULK WATCH EAT, PRAY, LOVE FOR YOU A**HOLES,” on FILM CRIT HULK! HULK BLOG!, is just some random literary using Hulk speak as a gimmick to get folks to read their thorough complaints about the film. Eh, it sold me. Hulks unusual, yet humorous speech pattern certainly kept my attention.

But lets play along with the charade for a minute and hear some of Hulks thoughts.

The Hulk began his dissertation by noting that he is not against “chick flicks.” After all, underneath the green goliath’s rage he is sensitive and caring. Plus his alter ego is a wussy.

HULK NOT AGAINST “CHICK FLICKS.” HULK EVEN FIND THAT TERM REASONABLY OFFENSIVE. MANY PEOPLE CONFUSE THE LOW QUALITY AND PANDERING NATURE OF RECENT HOLLYWOOD ENTRIES WITH THE ACTUAL POTENTIAL QUALITY OF THE GENRE. THAT BIG MISTAKE. IN HULK’S VIEW, THERE SIMPLY GOOD MOVIES AND BAD MOVIES. HULK NOT CARE ABOUT GENRE OR INTENDED AUDIENCE. SO EAT PRAY LOVE = MOVIE ABOUT FEMININITY AND PERSONAL ENLIGHTENMENT? SURE, PERFECT! IT TOPIC NOT EXPLORED ENOUGH IN MOVIES, SO SIGN HULK UP! BUT HULK’S EVENTUAL PROBLEM WITH EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE ACTUAL CONVEYING OF SAID MESSAGE/SOLUTIONS/THEME AND NOT MESSAGE/SOLUTIONS/THEME ITSELF.

The Hulk may be an angry monster as a result of gamma radiation, but me thinks his rage comes from having no patience for self-centered bitches that deliberately hurt people to better themselves. Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love is that bitch. Hulk SMASH her face in!:

LOOK, THERE PLENTY OF GREAT LEGIT STORIES ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF LOVE COMING UNDONE AND HOW WE BUILD SELVES BACK UP. RELATIONSHIPS INCREDIBLY UNIQUE AND INFINITELY COMPLEX, AND HULK NEVER BEGRUDGE IT WITH OVER-SIMPLIFICATION… BUT GILBERT GIVE AN ODDLY SELF-CENTERED AND DOWNRIGHT STRANGE ACCOUNT OF HER STORY. AGAIN, SHE FRAME IT LIKE SHE THE VICTIM WHEN A) THE SOURCE OF DEPRESSION SELF-CREATED AND B) SHE THE ONE DOING SERIOUS DAMAGE TO PEOPLE. LATER ON SHE SORT OF ADMIT TO “HURTING PEOPLE” BUT THAT REALLY AS DEEP AS IT GO. SHE COMPLETELY GLOSS OVER HER OBVIOUS AFFAIR (HULK MEAN, REALLY, HUSBAND GETTING ALL THE SETTLEMENT IN DIVORCE? IT TAKE MAJOR THINGS FOR MAN TO GET THE SETTLEMENT… HULK NOT ARGUING MERITS OF THIS AND PLEASE NO THINK THIS MEANT AS SEXIST STATEMENT WHATSOEVER, JUST IN HULK’S RESEARCH IT JUST THE COMMON REALITY OF HOW THESE THINGS TEND GO. AND THEN THERE HER MEAN-SPIRITED “I HAVE TO SPEND MONEY SO MY INCREDIBLY HURT HUSBAND NOT GET IT THING. WHICH, AGAIN, SHE TREAT LIKE SHE THE VICTIM… F*CKING BIZARRE.

DEEP DOWN, THERE SOME PART OF GILBERT THAT TERRIBLY AWARE OF WHAT SHE DOING. SHE MAKE ALL THESE VAGUE ATTEMPTS WHERE SHE TRYING SAY SHE A JERK WHO NEED TO FIX HERSELF, THAT SHE DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO PEOPLE AND SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE THAT… BUT SHE NEVER GET THERE… EVER. IT FEEL ALL SO AIMLESS. WHICH MEAN HER CHARACTER JOURNEY, NO MATTER WHICH WISE OLD MAN IMPARTED HER WITH WISDOM, OR GREAT FRIEND SHE MAKE (OFTEN TEMPORARILY), AND NO MATTER WHICH “TRUE-FEELING” CONCLUSIONS SHE MAKE… IT INEVITABLY AND EQUALLY AIMLESS.

OK, that’s enough Hulk talk for now. It’s only cute for so long. For more on the Hulk’s literary masterpiece review of Eat, Pray, Love (all 7000 words of it), visit the FILM CRIT HULK! HULK BLOG!, where you can find writings on James Bond , Charlie Sheen, Blue Valentine and much more.

Category: Comics, WTF?

Tags: , , , ,

Advertisements