Life is tough out there for a caped crusader. Patrolling is tiresome, when you get home you’re bloodied and bruised, sometimes beyond what your helpful man servant can mend, and do you ever receive thanks for saving the city night after night!? No. Wait, that’s the tough life of Batman, a fictional yet popular and impressive crime fighter. I meant the real men donning Batsuits and fighting the scum of cities everywhere. Are they worthy? Umm, no. These are their tales.
Recently in Petrovsky, Michigan (a real hub of crime and villainy) a Dark Knight was apprehended and arrested when he was found hanging from the ledge of a building. I’m sure his grappling gun just didn’t fire. The 31-year-old was charged with trespassing and possession of dangerous weapons. He was equipped with pepper spray, a collapsible baton, and lead-lined gloves. All key components of any Batman’s arsenal. He shouldn’t have left his rape whistle at home, it would have been handy to alert people he was stuck on a building ledge. ‘Course, maybe the embarrassment would have been too great. Somehow greater than his mugshot, picture above, or the fact that he was later unmasked, spoiling his secret identity.
The Batman of Petrovsky, Michigan may be out of commission but that doesn’t mean there aren’t legions of other Batmen to take his place. In fact, one recently surfaced in Las Vegas for an unusual daytime appearance. Daytime was a bad choice, really mucks with his vision because this Batman didn’t appear to be in top form.
I particularly like the slapping attack, must be a new form of obscure martial arts, but he could do with more practice. Sadly, I don’t think this Batman will be patrolling around the Vegas strip again any time soon. Nothing hurts your ability to strike fear in your enemies like a beat down via street thug.
These real life Batmen have been found unworthy of the prestigious mantle. Could there be someone out there worthy of the cape and cowl? Probably not, particular because you’d have to be fuckin’ insane to try, just like the real Batman.