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We haven’t reported much on Len Wiseman‘s Total Recall remake, because  (a) we don’t care for remakes and (B) we don’t can’t care for Len Wiseman. His Underworld movies are all flash and no substance (sorry Wiseman fans). If Total Recall was one of those rare instances where a reboot could be warranted (It’s NOT), he’s certainly not someone that has the talent or sense to improve upon the original.

Not to digress further, but in addition to Wiseman, what really put us in a foul mood was the butchery of the script. This version of Total Recall, has nothing to do with Mars. Douglas Quaid is a factory worker in a place called New Shanghai who believes he might have an alternative life as a spy. Vilos Cohaagen, the leader of a rival state named Euromerica secretly plans to invade New Shanghai. *slams head against desk* Fuuuuuuuuuuuu!

So we’re biased, but we know there are some fans out there that are looking upon this reboot with cautious optimism. Plus there’s a bunch of Underworld fans that are just drooling with anticipation. So, for you peeps that actually give a shit, we got some news.

I think you’ve all heard by now that Colin Farrell will be Douglas Quaid (previously played by Arnold Schwarzeneggar) and Bryan Cranston will be the villain Vilos Cohaagen, but who will replace the roles famously played by Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin?

Previous rumors had suggested that Wiseman’s wife, Kate Beckinsale would will be playing Quaid’s “normal” wife (previously played by Sharon Stone). Turns out those rumors are true. Guess, having the director as your husband has it’s advantages. As for Jessica Biel, that leaves her to play Melina (previously played by Rachel Ticotin), the girl Quaid meets in his spy life. *rolls eyes* Way to whitewash that role.  Collider exclusively confirmed the news of these two leading ladies.

Oh, in addition. We also have word from The Hollywood Reporter that  Bill Nighy (Pirates of the Caribbean sequels) has been cast as Quatto, leader of the resistance.”Start the reactor Quaid”…. yea, that guy.

Not that our opinions matters, but I will say that there are some right choices and wrong choices in the casting. I could give two shits about Colin Farrell, he’s nothing but a hipster underwear model who occasionally has moments of brilliance. Arnold owned the role of Quaid, and Farrell will undoubtedly fail in comparison.  Cranston and Nighy on the other hand? Smartest choices Wisemen ever made. I mean goddamn, I’ll see this movie just to see Cranston play a villain. Now, Beckinsale and Biel? Eh, I think the roles could have gone to stronger actresses (and ethnic in Biel’s case), but they’ll make my penis happy and that’s all that really matters.

Blarg. I’m sorry, I just know that this remake is gonna look and feel like every other Wiseman film. It’s gonna ruin my fond memory of the original. Fuck you Hollywood!

Total Recall is slated for release sometime in 2012

Via: /Film

Category: Film

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