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Did you hear? Spoilers don’t actually ruin your enjoyment of entertainment; says some recent -completely ridiculous- experiment. So na nana boo boo, it’s OK to spoil, statistically speaking. Being that documented research has basically given us carte Blanche to ruin movies, lets take a look at some spoilerific details on two in production blockbusters, GI Joe: Retaliation and The Man of Steel.

The Rock posing as Roadblock

You didn’t ask for it, But GI: Joe 2 is happening. Soon too, GI Joe: Retaliation it’s slated to begin in New Orleans this month to meet the scheduled June 29, 2012 release date. It’s being directed by John Chu and produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura. It will star Channing TatumDwayne Johnson, Lee Byung-hun, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Stevenson, RZA and possibly Bruce Willis. Our friends and io9 got a shit ton of plot details from some sort of regurgitated casting call. I don’t want to comment on material taken out of context (which everyone seems to be doing w/ all leaked set photos from The Dark Knight Rises. Calm down nerds), but it all sounds really fucked. Honestly, it reads like a term paper that fulfills the word count requirement and drops in key phrases to demonstrate some familiarity with the material, but is largely filler. Horrible filler.

Here’s what we got:

Several new Joes, including Walker, Brock and Robyn. Walker is the wise-cracker of the bunch, who’s always making jokes about other guys’ moms. Robyn is a gun-loving weapons expert, who talks lovingly about her latest ultra-high-tech rifle. (Which prompts Walker to say that he loves “girls with guns.”) Brock is from the ‘hood and he listens to a lot of Cypress Hill on his boombox while looking at pictures of his eight-year-old twin girls. (When he takes the picture out of a Ziploc bag, Walker hopes he’s bringing out some of his famous pistachio cheese balls.)

At one point, when Robyn, Brock and another Joe named Sam are on the run, they take refuge in Brock’s old neighborhood, where one of the homies, a tattooed stone-cold badass named Stacks, promises to help him any way he can. Stacks and Brock are like brothers from another mother, and Stacks tells Brock they can hide out in the old rec center. He can even hook Brock up with a new set of wheels, which are pimped out but “on the low.” (The joke is that the wheels are clearly not on the low, because they’re too fancy and loud.)

Mouse, who is the newest recruit on the team played by Joseph Mazzello. He’s a Southern boy, “18 going on 11.” He’s got no real combat experience, but he’s played a lot of Call of Duty. And when he goes up against one of the top Joes in a test to see who can pull a hand grenade out of a big pool out of water with their teeth, Mouse wins. He raises his arms in victory, and spits out the grenade, saying “Bang.” The crowd of soldiers watching this goes nuts.

The Young Storm Shadow. Looks like we’ll be getting some flashbacks to the childhoods of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Blind Master (played by RZA!) talks to Storm Shadow about his early mistakes in voice-over, while we watch the young Storm Shadow fleeing the Dojo. Blind Master asks who had the most to gain from driving Storm Shadow from the Dojo: the rival who drove Storm away, or the “man into whose arms you were chased.” We see that Storm Shadow took refuge with a “burly peasant” who gave him a blanket and cooked for him by a fire. And later, we see the burly peasant, who’s really a super-ninja in disguise, killing a ninja master.

Lots and lots of World Leaders There’s some kind of summit, in which everybody is agreeing on reducing their nuclear missiles, and it all goes horribly wrong, of course. The U.S. has launched all of its birds in the air, and everybody is trying to decide whether to retaliate and cause World War III. People say awesome shit like, “Let history record who was responsible for this madness.” And “There can be no winners!”

And then Zartan — the master of disguise who replaced the U.S. President in the first movie — basically tells everybody that their countries can serve him or die. He totally wants it all, man. Zartan tells the French muckety muck that from now on “You’re reporting to moi.” But at least Russia is defiant, telling Zartan “You’ve only succeeded in uniting us… against you.” Separately, we see the Pakistani President, who is standing by his decision to harbor terrorists, suddenly getting assassinated with a titanium blade.

Lecter, a new villain who joins forces with Zartan in infiltrating the White House. (And it turns out the President’s approval ratings have skyrocketed since he turned evil.) Lecter has been busted out of prison, so he can develop every high-tech weapon the baddies can possibly imagine… and some they can’t. Lecter and his friends Smith and Jones are holding a U.S. Senator prisoner and interrogating him. “It’s called a water board… but I never get bored,” gloats Jones.

Chu’s involvement and the great cast excites me, but after reading all of that my fan-boy brain is about as fried as it can get. Homies, ninja rappers, burly peasents, a defiant Russia…..*smacks hand against face*

MOVING ON  TO MAN OF STEEL

A person that is connected with The Man Of Steel Facebook Fan Page has received some information from a source working on the Warner Brothers production of Man Of Steel. The details cover scenes being shot at a 7-11 as well as at a hospital. There is also a scene involving military personal and a bank that explain the promo shot that was released last week (above). ComicBookMovie claims the source is a 100% reliable.

A source involved filming, has discussed scenes being shot for Man of Steel. The source, whose name and role is being kept confidential, is involved with how various scenes are technically executed. With this information being revealed, part of the story line comes into clearer focus.

While filming has been going on this week at Sugar Grove and is moving back the Kent Farm and Sandwich, IL at Valley West Community Hospital, preparation is well underway some big action scenes being shot later this month. Valley West Community Hospital already issued an email alert concerning shooting at the hospital, saying windows would be blacked out, but no major explosions would be occurring. Those effects will be added in. The source confirms “that is being worked on tonight. Nothing will be big there because they can’t actually blow up the hospital. So they’re just going to be using some controlled and smaller pyro’s and then digitally altering it to make it look like a big explosion took place.”

In Plano, the 7-Eleven set that has been constructed is now being wired with explosives, says the source “wiring of explosives starts [Today] at the 7-Eleven and it will be blown up in shooting”. This occurs during scenes to be filmed in Plano when the military arrives in Smallville to take on Zod and Faora with Superman caught in the middle of the fight.

The source goes on to talk about the bank, which locals refer to as the “old bank”, which is also being wired. With Warner Bros releasing an official first look photo of Cavill in the new Superman suit last week, many were speculating about the authenticity of the bank vault as the background. “Oh, it’s real. The bank is real. It is being wired with explosives, too and will feature a massive military rumble involving Zod and Faora. The direction of that scene will be done from more of a distance because of explosives, just like the 7-Eleven.” The use of the bank also coincides with the fight scenes being shot in Plano in a massive military rumble. Does Superman appear… “yes” was the answer from the source. Last week, Richard Healy, the executive director of the Plano Area Chamber of Commerce said “stuff would be blown up” and talked about a huge military scene involving soldiers repelling from a helicopter and shell casings being left on the street. These new story details are directly in line with Healy’s statements.

The source continues by talking about a scene in which Superman learns of specific powers. “Superman learns of certain powers that he has where a glass starts shaking and then breaks. Snyder was very specific and provided a lot of detail about how this was to be done. It will all be controlled with pyrotechnics with certain holes drilled at certain depths and multiple blasts to make the total effect.”

The source said much secrecy surrounds the story and “we are only told about certain scenes, not all of them at this point.” Actors that will be present include: Cavill, Meloni, Shannon and Traue were names revealed.

 

Category: Comics, Film

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