Top 10 Characters in Nerd Cinema That Can Take a Beating

- 08-24-11Featured, Film Posted by Mark Poynter

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Think you can take a punch? Maybe you can, but then maybe you just think you can. The characters on today’s list have a proven track record of taking a beating and rising up to get beat on again and again. There will be blood, oh yes there will be blood. So read this list you little girly men and women, because you can’t take the punishment these characters take. Not and keep that wonderfully cheery Nerd Bastard disposition, but don’t worry, as the Black Knight is often quoted, “It’s only a flesh wound!”

Kill Bill 1 & 2 – The Bride-Beatrix Kiddo vs Everyone

Where unfinished business turns to blood.

Where to start, beaten, shot in the head, left for dead, stuck in a coma. Yep, that’s a good place to start. Wasn’t long though, wiggle that toe. This movie some great beat downs. The music is terrific, the fights intense, the hatred volcanic. Kill Bill one and two are movies that can’t be ignored when flipping through the channels

Evil Dead- Ash vs His Own Hand

He didn’t go blind, but he did get the crap beat out of of him

Ash gets his ass handed to him in so many ways, but he always fights back and never gives up. This movie was so nuts that just trying to describe it to other people was tough. Mostly because you would start laughing remembering it all. Quirky, funny, and ready to beat the crap out of you, that’s the way to describe the Evil Dead movies.

So Shop Smart! Shop SMART!

Sin City – Marv vs Everyone
One.
Man.
Wrecking.
Machine!

“Most people think Marv is crazy. He just had the rotten luck of being born in the wrong century. He’d be right at home on some ancient battlefield swinging an axe into somebody’s face. Or in a Roman arena, taking his sword to other gladiators like him.” This quote really sums up Marv. He is the energizer bunny of the underworld, able to take punishment and hand out beatings. Try this game with some friends. Take a drink every time Marv gets hit or shot in this movie and see how long it takes until your lying on the bathroom floor, hanging onto the toilet seat, hoping someone is holding your hair.

Shawshank – Andy Dufresne vs The Sisters

Where we find out that prison is no Fairy World.

Andy took more beatings in different forms than many movie characters see in three or four sequels. The numerous beatings and rapes of The Sisters, the thumping he took for playing music, to the beating and time spent in the hole for finding Warden Norton “Obtuse.”

Andy’s friend Red put it best:
Red: [Morgan Freeman narrating] “I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile – prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh bruises. The Sisters kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight ‘em off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for Andy – that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him.”

Fight Club – Tyler Durden vs Tyler Durden

When a man fights more than his conscience.

Tyler wasn’t happy with just fighting and getting beaten up by others. He decided to kick his own ass. The office fight scene is one of the best fight scenes of all time. He kicks his own ass, all over that office. Of course later in the movie we discover that he’s been doing it most of the movie anyways!

Rocky 1 through 6
Rocky vs Apollo, Apollo,
Clubber Lang, Drako, Johnny Gunn, Mason Dixon.
Rocky fights because he can’t sing or dance.

I doubt there is anything about Rocky that you readers don’t know. We’ve all grown up with Rocky on TBS or some other movie channel. The guy can take a punch, take another punch, fall down, get up, take another couple of punches, fall down, then get up and kick the crap out of an Ali look alike a couple of times, a Mohawk wearing gangster, an early version of a Russian terminator, a guy off the street he trained, and a boxer half his age. Stallone may not have invented the sports hero that comes back theme, but he sure rode it to the bank!

Kick Ass – Kick Ass vs Your childhood fantasies

Ever wonder what it feels like to step in front of a moving train?

Kick-Ass is a look at what happens when an ordinary guy decides to dress up and play super hero. Mark Millar has made a fine living poking fun at people who like comics, while he makes comics they in turn love. So we nerds take his beat down and enjoy it. Millar can’t take a piss without someone in Hollywood trying to option the movie rights these days.

Both ‘Wanted’ and ‘Kick-Ass’ have main characters that take tremendous beatings, but still come back for more. If you have not seen the John Romita artwork for Kick-Ass then you are truly missing out. Romita can draw a beat down like no ones business. As much as we like seeing Kick-Ass take a beating, watching Hit-girl dish them out is even more satisfying.

Punisher, 2004 – Frank Castle vs The Russian

In Russia, Where’s Waldo finds YOU!

Everyone loves watching the Punisher dish it out to criminals in the movies and comics, but a lot of people don’t seem to appreciate the beatings Frank Castle takes to deliver those criminals the fate they deserve. Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon’s twelve issue series in 2001, The Punisher was the basis for the movie and this great fight scene is lifted right from the comic pages to the movie screen.

Way of the gun –
Mr. Parker and Mr. Longbaugh vs Sarah Silverstein and her Carrot Top boyfriend

Everyone loves a good man dance!

This movie might not have been on everyone’s radar, but it has a great opening which gets it on this list. Sarah is great, and in real life is a nerdy girl. In Way of the Gun she plays the foul mouthed girlfriend that everyone has seen at a club at one time in their life. Getting their boyfriend into trouble he can’t talk his way out of. What makes the scene great is that everyone jumps in. Have you ever seen a bar fight where everyone jumps in, except in a movie? Most people these days just whip out their phones to record it all and post it to the internet.

South Park – Cartman vs Wendy

Where Unicorns beats the crap out of Blue Trucks

What? You think that Kenny is the only one on South Park that takes a beating every week? Well, yeah . . . you have a point there, but Cartman always has it coming, we all know that, but he always seems to weasel out of any consequences. Seeing him have his ass handed to him by a girl in a crowded school yard is surprisingly satisfying. The only thing missing from this beat down is the “Curb Stomp” from History X. Just think of all the things Cartman might want, and most likely have to pay a girl to do to him during his life time. This beat down probably goes into the list at about number five.

Category: Featured, Film

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