If you happen to have $17,000 to drop on stupid shit, here is the perfect way for you to waste your hard-earned money (hey, asking parents or standing on a street corner all night is hard fuckin’ work).
Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a set of Bionic Bopper Cars… they liken these things to bumper cars, but I agree with Geekologie: these are like rock ’em sock ’em robots but you’re supposed to climb inside them and fight TO THE DEATH.
This is part of the product description from the official website:
These are the motorized boxers controlled by two drivers who battle to deliver chin-lifting uppercuts for victory. Similar to bumper cars, a driver up to 300 lbs. sits inside the robot’s protective steel cage cockpit and uses a thumb-triggered button on two independent joysticks to activate two pneumatic-powered, tire-tread-fisted arms, which throw upward punches at an opposing robot’s head. A successful hit sends an opposing robot’s head back, scoring a point. A Honda gas engine powers each robot’s hidden wheels up to 3 mph for forward, backward, and left and right spins, required for maneuvering into position for a scoring punch. Each vehicle has a bumper that keeps sparring pugilists at the optimal distance for scoring.
Now, what if I were to mount a bayonet on mine? This thing is interesting in theory but some little 250lb kid is going to kill someone. Best spend that $17,000 on a nice car or constantly replacing your piece of shit BlackBerry each time it craps out on you.