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Rampage the Movie – Shoot me NOW!

Hollywood movie makers will go to any lengths to have some shred of Brand recognition in any production they are considering. Take the video game Rampage. Apparently Hollywood is so far into the barrel of ideas that they broke the bottom out and are now making movies based on 1980’s videos games and scratched notes on truck-stop bathroom walls.

The game of Rampage was pretty cool in the days of stand up and stand alone video games in flickering, glittering video game palors at malls and movie theaters across America. Take control of a giant monster and destroy a skyscraper faster than your opponent. Save for grabbing a few screaming, helpless humans and fighting off the military, that was about it.

Is there really a movie there though? The Hollywood Reporter  cites producer John Rickard, who worked as a co-producer on A Nightmare on Elm Street, Final Destination, Horrible Bosses and next year’s Bryan Singer film Jack the Giant Killer, is pushing the project. He’ll soon start meeting with writers to flush out a story.

Those writers will have their hands full. In the game, a middle age man, young girl and old man mutate into a gorilla, lizard and werewolf and destroy buildings while fighting off the military.

Who are you supposed to feel sympathy for?

The changed against their will monsters?

Maybe the people that live in the buildings that are being destroyed?

Wait.

It’s gotta be the soldiers thrown into the meat grinder and facing monsters right out of an afternoon Godzilla movie marathon.

 

The movie would use the title and game’s visuals to “make a smartly-budgeted monster movie in the vein and tone of Ghostbusters and Independence Day” but wouldn’t necessarily adhere to the premise set by the game.

In other words:

“We’re going to take your beloved (Fill in the blank) and use the title. Then we will do what ever the hell we can to make a movie out of it even if it has no clear connecting point to the original feeling, design, or story of the (Fill in the blank). We hope with all our little Hollywood producer hearts that you will see the word ‘(Fill in the blank)’ and pull $20 out of your wallet and buy tickets, toys, happy meals, and any other crap we can sell to you while you relive those five minutes of your childhood that don’t make you sad.” 

In this NerdBastards own words: 

“FUCK HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS THAT MAKE THIS KIND OF CRAP!”

On a separate note any Hollywood producers that want to check out my screenplay for Minecraft can reach me at Soldmysoultothedevil@gmail.com

Category: Film

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