banner

I’m sure you spend all of your time wondering where the child stars of movies past are now. We’ve compiled a fair amount of before and after pictures for y’all to check out, some of which you probably expect and some of which will be a surprise to you. Let’s get started!

Let’s start with something that we all expect to see. Taylor Momsen is most known for her role as Cindy Lou Who in the 2000 film, How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  Over the course of the years, she landed a role on Gossip Girl and she’s now some badass singer chick.  Or something.  She blames her parents for her shitty attitude and bitchiness, actively tells young girls to twiddle themselves and flashes her tits at concerts.  No big deal.  She’s really matured!


This Canadian actress was the second youngest person to win an Academy Award at the age of 11 for her performance in The Piano. Anna Paquin went on to play Rogue in the X-Men movies and dry humps her husband as Sookie Stackhouse in the HBO series True Blood (in which, if you weren’t aware, her husband plays Sookie’s love interest in the first few seasons).  There’s no need for them to ever release a sex tape; it’s all over the first few seasons of True Blood.  They claim to be showing the audience exactly what happens in their own bedroom… but, man, that sex looks terrible.

Christian Bale has been around for quite some time.  He’s well known for a lot of shit, but to serve our interests, he is the Batman of the Dark Knight era of films.  And his Batman has had too many cocks shoved down his throat or… something.  Anyway, he’s very nice to look at in the “after” stage.

Dakota Fanning is actually a “good girl”, but I thought this picture of her playing Cherie Currie in The Runaways was a great idea.  I actually have no snarky comments about her because I have a ton of respect for this girl.  She has some real talent and has risen to the occasion time and time again.  But remember her in I Am Sam and War of the Worlds?  Those movies were forever ago, but even then she was amazing.  And she looks so cute and tiny in the “before” picture!

This guy’s been around since the beginning of time or something. Peter Billingsley was pretty big back then as Ralphie in A Christmas Carol and Billy in Death Valley. Now he has small roles scattered all over the place, though Iron Man is a notable feature.  Glasses like that are in again.  I’m actually serious there.

Time for those drool buckets to come out!  Danica McKeller is actually a geek.  She’s a math geek who has written three New York Times best time selling novels about math.  She played one of the main characters in the TV series The Wonder Years in the late 1980s – early 1990s.  She’s had cameos on How I Met Your Mother and the Big Bang Theory.  But none of that matters because holy shit look at her now!

In other news, we’ve got Elijah Wood.  I swear he’s looked like a Hobbit his entire life and will probably end up being a Hobbit-y, crotchety, old man.

Noah Hathaway, who played Atreyu in The Never Ending Story and had a role on the original Battlestar Galactica TV series, has grown into a very interesting looking man.  Apparently he’s still in the acting game and is currently working on shit like Sushi Girl, whatever the heck that is.  Quite the transformation on his part.

Do any of you remember that show, The Secret World of Alex Mack?  I completely forgot about it for a few years and thought it was a figment of my imagination.  But apparently not!  Knowing that I’m not crazy is a big deal for me.  Anyway, we’ve got Larysa Oleynik here.  She had a recurring role on 3rd Rock From the Sun for a while, and now she’s on Hawaii Five-0.

Haley Joel Osment is really known for his role in The Sixth Sense.  He appears to be doing lots of voice work now and was also picked up for drunk driving and sent to the AA. Getting into an accident while drinking is, y’know, another possible way of seeing dead people.  Not going to judge.  (I’m lying.  I’m absolutely judging.)

The story of Drew Barrymore‘s childhood claim to fame, her drug and emotional problems at a very young age, and her return to the spotlight has been pretty well publicized.  The Charlie’s Angel certainly wasn’t much of an angel for a period of her life, but she’s gotten her shit in gear and she looks good for it!  The breast reduction surgery aside, I’d totally tap that.

It amuses me that it doesn’t seem as though much has changed through the expressions we see in current pictures of Neil Patrick Harris when compared with those from back in the day.  Perhaps it’s because he’s just that fuckin’ awesome.  Barney Stinson‘s inability to take a bad photograph had to have come from somewhere!

The chick from The Ring, Daveigh Chase, is actually gorgeous.  She also played Samantha in S. Darko and voiced Lilo in Lilo & Stich.  That’s quite the resume!  Who would’ve thunk?

And then there’s this guy, who really hasn’t gone anywhere with his life.  It’s not fair to blame the little kid for ruining those Star Wars flicks, because Hayden Christensen and a bunch of other bullshit also contributed to… Wait.  No.  It was just them.  He’s apparently just jumped on the Comic Con wagon and hasn’t been doing anything else with his life.  Perhaps he’s come to the realization that his acting fuckin’ sucks.  Or he’s goddamn lazy.  Either way… whatever.  Oh, and his name is Jake Lloyd but like I said: what the fuck ever.

This was a big deal when the last Harry Potter movie was about to be released!  Matthew Lewis without the fat suit and the fucked up teeth is pretty damn fine.  What a transformation!  This is some ugly duckling shit right here.  Or it’s spending all that time at Hogwarts over the course of his teenage years.  Who knows.

And following along the Harry Potter vein… This has been explored in excess when the movies came to an end but it’s still pretty cool to see how far they’ve all come.  Daniel Radcliffe is no longer an adorable little kid, but now looks like a stumpy little Hobbit.  Emma Watson is smokin’.  And Rupert Grint is… well, he’s a redhead.

Julie Dawn Cole is best known for her role as Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.  She’s been around since then, taking roles on stage or for miniseries and things like that.  Apparently she calls her daughter “Veruca” when she’s being a little spoiled brat.  That’s one way to parent!

It hasn’t been that long since Pan’s Labryinth was released, but 17 year old Spanish actress Ivana Baquero has grown significantly since then.  It’ll be interesting to see where she’s at in about 5 years!

Keanu Reeves had some sort of expression to his face back in the day!  What the fuck happened to that?

Kirsten Dunst‘s first major role was playing Claudia in Interview With a Vampire.  From there, she really took off and ended up with the role of Mary Jane in the first set of Spider-Man movies.  (I really gotta get used to saying that.)  Her looks far surpass her ability to act.  (I say that like there’s a difference!  Ha.)

Remember that dinky little kid from the Stuart Little movies?  Well, yeah, not quite so little anymore.  Ladies and anybody else who enjoys ogling hot dudes, y’all better thank me for this.  Woo.  Johnathan Lipnicki, you are fuckin’ sexy.

With all of the Breaking Dawn hype going on right now, we’ve talked more than enough about Kristen Stewart.  So here you go.  She looked as awkward then as she does now, although you can’t deny that she photographs really well in-studio.

Y’all had to have been expecting this.  She has no relation to our nerd culture, but she’s included just be-fuckin’-cause.

So, now, I know you all have been waiting for this. Take a look at young Scarlett Johansson before she had tits to bare for the camera and take a look at her now!  Take a good, long, hard look.

Category: Nerd Culture

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Advertisements