So, a short time ago we brought you word that the CW was developing a pilot based on DC Comic’s emerald archer, The Green Arrow. At the time, I was trying desperately to be cautiously optimistic. Hey, all we knew then was that Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim were developing it and that the dude who played the character in Smallville, Justin Hartley, wasn’t getting the role.
Starting lamenting the pilot in 3… 2… 1.
It will be simply titled “Arrow”. It will NOT be based on the comic book. It’s described as modern retelling of Green Arrow. It is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Now, if they were going to sorta go the Smallville route and punch it up for the kids, I’d be ok. I mean Birds of Prey showed us that if you try to stick to close to the source material you risk losing general TV audiences.
TV Addict got their hands on the casting breakdown and… oh man if you know anything about Oliver Queen, you know they are about to butcher everything you hold dear about the character.
Check it out after the jump:
Oliver Queen: A 27-year-old reformed bad boy, who after having spent five years shipwrecked on a tiny, brutally dangerous island in the South China Sea returns to town a different man. Or to be more specific, a tortured, thoughtful master of the bow with a ferocious determination to make a difference.
Dinah “Laurel” Lance: 28 years old, smart sexy, Laurel is a legal aid attorney determined to use her life as a one-woman war against the 1% following the death of her younger sister Sara. A sister, who as luck would have it, just so happened to have died aboard Oliver’s yacht.
Tommy Merlyn: 28 years old and devil-smooth, Tommy is a trustafarian like Oliver, a spectacularly rich young man whose life revolves around parties, clubs, liquor and lots of anonymous sex. Unlike Oliver, he can’t seem to understand his former best friend’s sudden change of lifestyle and direction.
Moira Queen: 48 years old, a beautiful woman, Oliver’s mother Moira is a very wealthy woman who is not used to being shaken. Having remarried during the five years that former husband Robert and Oliver were both presumed dead, Moira has had free rein over the Queen billions. Not surprisingly, she’s deeply interested in learning whether or not Robert will also return unexpectedly, to ruin her present marriage and go over the books with a fine-tooth comb.
John Diggle: 35 years old, African-American, Diggle is really, really big, a former military man who served with the Army Rangers in Afghanistan, and has been a bodyguard for hire for the last four years. Hired by Moira to be Oliver’s chauffeur and protector, Diggle soon finds he is trapped in a battle of wits, as Oliver repeatedly eludes his protection. But in fact, Diggle’s primary conflict is one of loyalty as he has to show that he’s working for Oliver, not Moira, before Oliver will give him a smidgen of trust.
Thea Queen: 17 years old (suggest 17-22 years), Oliver’s Lolita-esque sister, Thea was a 12 year old girl when he went on his infamous yachting voyage—but now she’s a celebutante who’s testing the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Thea loved her big brother with all her heart, and is delighted to have him back in her life—but she’s spreading her wings, and is unprepared for Oliver to become the Bad Cop in the family, restricting her access to boys and drugs.
Nerd. Rage. Building.
Ok, Let’s break these down a little. I can live with what they are asking for in the main character. Sure, that sounds enough like Green Arrow to me, redone a little and turned into a twenty something. No problem. The last three? Ollie’s mom, sister and bodyguard? Well, they are new, not from the comics and don’t really strike me as being all that interesting. Adding a mother and sister just feels cheap. A tough as nails African-American ex-Army Ranger chauffeur? That just sounds insulting. Is this a Green Arrow or a Magnum P.I. spin-off?
The two that made me lose all hope. Dinah “Laurel” Lance, clearly a fill in for Black Canary with all the Canary and Black taken out (hell, she didn’t even get to keep her real first name) and Tommy Merlyn, who I assume is suppose to replace the comic character of Merlyn, Green Arrow’s nemesis and fellow archer.
So, let’s see. Rather than being a fellow master of the bow and arrow, now Merlyn will be spoiled rich kid that acts as Ollie’s nemesis not in archery but douchebaggery. Dinah no longer has fishnets and a sonic scream, but a chip on her shoulder about rich people (oooh, conflict with the future love interest!) and a frickin iPod or something.
Ok, I am just fueling my nerd rage, I just spent the last 2 minutes flipping the casting breakdown the bird. I’m not even that big of a Green Arrow fan and this pissed me off, I can only image what the 3 or 4 out there that call him their favorite must be feeling right now. Kinda makes you want to swing a dead cat (Roy ‘Speedy’ Harper fans will get that reference).
If it helps, I have included what is arguably the best scene Ollie had in the Justice League Unlimited cartoon. Let the healing begin.
That’s right. Green Arrow just sang his own damn theme song.