EW is reporting that Nickelodeon, that cesspool that lives above the shallow grave of Today’s Special and Hey Dude, is looking to mine the past and push us to give them the consciousness of our children with a remake of Figure it Out.
A good old fashioned panel show — Figure it Out featured slime, Summer Sanders (some say she was hot but I only had eyes for Kelly Kapowski back then), and “celebrities” asking children questions about their inane skills and interests. One imagines that this incarnation will have a full roster of Z-level celebrities willing and able to mug for the camera and ask today’s future pioneers about their Capri Sun preferences, their blogs, and their Skyrim prowess. There is no set premiere date or news on who will host. I for one hope Nick sticks with the 90s vibe and takes a shot at bringing Jodie Sweetin aboard with an offer of Sudafed and Sno Balls.
Do I sound bitter? Good, it doesn’t always come through on the interweb. Fact is, I’ve become landlocked on the final stage of “Retro Glee Fever”, the bitter and cynical part that exists well after the sepia memories fade away. This show simply has to suck, not because the concept is dated or terrible (well, maybe a little bit because of that), but because remakes are usually less like a flush tribute to the past and more like watching a new show parade around while wearing the original’s face as a hat. The cure for what ails me? Rescue Marc Summers from the phantom zone frozen hell that is Dinner: Impossible and bring him back for Double Dare 3.0.
*EDITORS NOTE: article written by guest blogger Jason Tabrys from WeLoveCult.com