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Apparently Shia LaBeouf isn’t merely a talent-less hack who fell ass-backwards into a string of mindless yet successful action films, no — he’s an artist and a genius in the mold of Chad Michael Murray.

The Beouf has put pencil to page and self-published his own written and illustrated comic books in a project so self-indulgent I can’t believe James Franco didn’t think of it first.

There are three books in total, each priced at $20. The words that I’ve seen seem still-born and rushed and the art looks like a grade school doodle that hangs on the fridge long past it’s natural expiration because your mother is a therapist and she worries that you have confidence issues and she doesn’t want you to start cutting yourself just to feel something other than shame.

Matt Wilson has a more full and coherent review of both Cyclical (its about motorcycles) and Lets Fucking Party (a journey into the mind of a well-to-do twenty something with a wallet so heavy that it would make you bust your scrotal seam, were you to foolishly try to pick it up), that review can be found on Comics Alliance, but I guarantee you Matt isn’t talking about cutting oneself or scrotal seams.

Am I being too hard on Shia? Are you making a frowny face in solidarity with the worst thing that ever happened to the Indiana Jones franchise? Alright fine, in an effort to “Go Green”, I hear all the pages of these surefire Eisner snubs will be printed on recycled starfucker panties that the Beouf liberated from the glove compartment of his Hummer. Now that isn’t true, that was a little joke, but it’s less vulgar than the “Megan Fox/scratch and sniff” one that I was going to put out there, and I tried really hard to put a nice end to this story, so I should at least get snaps for that, and also the fact that I don’t try to charge $20 for my half-baked jibber-jabber.

And that’s what gets my hackles up. It isn’t that LaBeouf fancies himself an artist — most people do, so draw Shia, express yourself, sign every picture in the book like you’re Duchamp — but charge $20 for people to feel like they’re getting a piece of you, when all they’re really getting is something you scribbled between flights? Nah, there would have been publishers lined up around the block to put out Shia’s work if it were any good, this isn’t a kid so desperate to be seen that he self publishes, this just seems like a bored movie star who can’t fathom that he might not be good at something.

Sources: Blastr, My dumbass opinion, and the letter Q

Category: Comics

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