Ten Fictional Characters We All Want to Bitch Slap


In a lot of our favorite books, TV shows, movies and other forms of nerdy entertainment there are characters that seem to push all the wrong buttons. They push those buttons that drive us all right up to the edge of violence, also known as “The Bitch Slap Zone.”

Take a look at the list below and let this NerdBastard know what you think about the choices. You’ve probably got a couple fictional characters that aren’t on the list that you feel deserve some slapping. Put those in the comments section below.


Anakin Skywalker –  Episode II Attack of the Clones

I know a lot of people are gonna say that Episode-one-child-Anakin should be on the list, but this NerdBastard can’t help but put the Episode-two-whiney-self important-smug-little-shit up for a resounding series of Bitch slaps. Did anyone like this character besides Padme?  


Doctor Zeus – Planet of the Apes 

That damn dirty ape deserves a gorilla style bitch slap. The refusal to consider evidence that goes contrary to your beliefs just sticks in this human’s craw. That great scene where the ministers do the see, hear, and speak no evil is fantastic. The fact that Zeus already knew all about the findings of Cornelius makes him all the more deserving of some repeated slaps.


Dawn Summers – Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

Her very existence altered the fifteen years of characters’ memories. She never developed a character, had absolutely nothing (positive) to add to the show and was a total waste of time. She shouldn’t have kept existing after season 5. She. Is. Not. Real! Do you hear me, Joss? NOT. FUCKING. REAL!!! *stumbles away weeping*


Bella Swan – All the Twilight Movies 

I kinda feel bad about putting this one on the list, she takes so much shit from everyone, then I remember the six months of lying around pining about Edward and the palm of my hand begins to itch. 



Dolores Umbridge – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 

Dolores proceeds to totally trash and turn upside down Hogwarts and no one does a damn thing about it! I wanted anyone to just step up and take a shot at her. Somebody, anybody, just bitch slap her and tell her to . . . SIT . . . HER . . . ASS . . . DOWN.



Jar-Jar Binks – Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace 

Even my 8 year old nephew looked at me one day while watching Episode one and said, “He’s pretty annoying isn’t he?” I’m not gonna deny it, I teared up a little. 



Lori & Carl Grimes – The Walking Dead

Don’t get me wrong here, both are great characters that this NerdBastard loves to see on the screen, but there are times that each of them makes me want to really reach down deep for that neck snapping, body spinning Bitch Slap that they both deserve. Lori for not making up her damn mind. If you’re gonna tell Rick to do something, don’t get mad when he does it. Carl . . . GET BACK IN THE DAMN HOUSE BEFORE I SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU ! ! !


Pete Campbell – Madmen 

Pete Campbell is another one of those characters that one can’t decide to kiss or kill and he is the only non-nerdom character on the list. He’s kind of an underdog at times and then he does something really douchie that makes you want to smack the crap out of him. When Lane Price (The Brittish Office Manager) goes at Pete  in the conference room, who didn’t smirk a little at Pete getting his ass handed to him by the stuffy Brit?


Joffery Baratheon – Game of Thrones

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t want to slap the shit out of this royal little shit? Jack Gleeson has done such a brilliant job bringing this little shit to life on the screen that this NerdBastard is afraid that Gleeson might have to worry about character bleed. Where one can’t help but see the actor in any other role as that one character. Not exactly type casting, but where one character seems to bleed over all the other characters an actor portrays.

Here’s a remixed video from Game of Thrones, the maker have captured the essence of what everyone wants to do to Joffery. (Notice how Joffery says, “Mother” at each slap, delicious.)








Category: Film, TV

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