I’m sure everyone in the world has heard of Condorman, right? It’s that 1981 Disney film that featured a comic book artist-turned spy who fought KGB agents, rescued the hottie-in-distress and helped to save the free world. Wait, you’ve never heard of him? Yeah, me neither until today. But Disney is apparently going to make sure that everyone knows who he is in the near future.
It is the latest of Disney’s attempts to remake and remarket absolutely any dusty property they can think of. But, you say, the Cold War is over so how is good old Condorman going to fight the KGB? According to a Disney “insider” the remake will go as follows:
Wally. A Brit again. Robert Pattinson’s name has been floated, can you see him going for it? He seems to be into more intellectual things? Still a pompous cartoonist turned superhero type gets to assist in the deflection of a sexy young KGB agent. Emphasis would be more on action this time around though. They want to steer as far off from Johnny English territory as possible. But there’s talk of doing lots with the Condorman brand…
Okay, so maybe Disney doesn’t realize that the Cold War is over? Or maybe they still hold a grudge against the former Soviet Union (now known as Russia once more, in case you didn’t know)? Either way, some people involved are saying that the remake will entail more than a simple cash-grab. According to the rumormill, they want to integrate Condorman permanently into the Marvel Universe and are just looking at the remake as an origin story before throwing him into the mix.
Yes, Disney has found the recipe for monetary success. Step One – rehash old crappy movie that happens to have a super hero in it. Step Two – shoehorn him into existing, more successful properties. Step Three – pray that fans not only don’t riot, but are willing to go out and spend money on this lump of shit.
What do our humble Nerdreaders think? Is this the BEST IDEA EVER? Or should the executives at Disney do us all a favor and swallow a few bullets in order to preserve the already dwindling sanctity of our childhood heroes?
Thanks to geektyrant for the warning.