So, who is Warner Bros. going to cast to replace Angus Jones on CBS’ long time ratings juggernaut Two and a Half Men?
Less than two years after former star Charlie Sheen went through his tiger blood infused meltdown and left the show, the nineteen year old Jones — who has been on the series since he was 10 — has publicly blasted the sitcom, calling it filth and begging people to not watch it, something I’ve said numerous times in deference to my lord and savior: good taste.
Jones delivered these remarks and so much more in a series of heavily edited YouTube videos that were released by The Forerunner (aka Christopher Hudson), who Jones calls “a man of God” and who Jones’ mother worries may be a part of a cult that has her son in it’s clutches. To be fair, people said the same thing about Casey Affleck when he was filming Joaquin Phoenix’ downfall too.
So who is The Forerunner? Apparently he is a televangelist and a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church who likes to quote the bible, toss out conspiracy theories about Barack Obama and Jay-Z, and solicit donations.
How young Mr. Jones came to find The Forerunner is a mystery, but to say that he has had an effect on young millionaire would be an understatement.
So, what else did Jones have to say? Well, for one thing, he thinks black people are pretty great. He also took the time to tell us about the wretched life he had been living as an 18 year old TV star — a life that included hanging out with his friends, listening to music, playing video games, and smoking the pot.
Jones also did acid, but all that changed when — as he was brainstorming designs for a tee shirt — he found God, which felt like “being hugged by your most favorite person ever, but they’re able to hug every single part of your being.” To be fair, some have said acid feels the same way, but they’re all going to hell, so you shouldn’t listen to them.
Jones also took time out from that horrible job where he makes $350k an episode to Tebow (really) and talk about a friend of his whose family has struggled to keep his house even while Jones wasted his copious cash reserves on musical equipment and hopefully things that are more exciting than that. No word on if Jones did the Christian thing and actually helped his friend out or if that revelation was reward enough. Also, the friend was possessed by God or Zuul at one point.
My favorite part of the video came at the end though, when Jones wrapped up this little kamikaze career move by saying: “The name of the game right now is compromise, meet in the middle to get things done. That’s the name of the game right now and according to the Bible, when that happens, we’re no longer standing for anything. We’re no longer on the side of the truth.” He then said “We need to pick our side” and “You need to be 100% or nothing” before The Forerunner offered him praise, saying that Jones had: “Taken his stand on the right. He’s walked away from it.”
I assume Jones then left his trailer and went to go film some more dick jokes.
Poor Chuck Lorre.
And thud. The prophet Angus has violated his minty fresh principles, releasing a statement praising the vendors of sin that he works with over at Two and a Half Men just after his former co-star and religious adviser Charlie Sheen called the show “cursed”. Here’s the statement, as written by Satin or a thoroughly pissed off PR flack:
I have been the subject of much discussion, speculation and commentary over the past 24 hours. While I cannot address everything that has been said or right every misstatement or misunderstanding, there is one thing I want to make clear.
Without qualification, I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on Two and Half Men with whom I have worked and over the past 10 years who have become an extension of my family.
Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me and the help and guidance I have and expect to continue to receive from them.
I also want all of the crew and cast on our show to know how much I personally care for them and appreciate their support, guidance and love over the years. I grew up around them and know that the time they spent with me was in many instances more than with their own families. I learned life lessons from so many of them and will never forget how much positive impact they have had on my life.
I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed. I never intended that.
I can smell his soul burning, can’t you?
Source: THR and a guy named Jake.