Ask the Bastards #15: Remakes (Again), a JGL Batman and Something About Cabbage

- 12-02-12Featured Posted by Matthew Jackson

Welcome to another thoroughly disgusting edition of Ask the Bastards, the weekly feature where you the readers get to ask us, the staff of Nerd Bastards, anything you want about our gloriously nerdy lives. After a Thanksgiving holiday weekend off, we’re back this week to talk about remakes (again), a Joseph Gordon-Levitt Batman, anime and what Star Trek means to us.

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Do you feel that there’s a dearth of material in Science Fiction and Fantasy due to Hollywood seeming to only put out remakes of (or continuations of) SF and Fantasy properties that have already been done? Should this change or do you feel remakes are the destination of Geek and Nerd culture – Mike S.

The sad thing is there are tons of fantastic original stories in both standard fiction and in graphic fiction that would be wonderful movies, bold movies and TV shows but no one acts on them because they are afraid of the risk associated with trying something new. I think at some point though, the market is going to reject these remakes and reboots… in fact, I think it has already begun (Total Recall, Fright Night, Red Dawn, etc). – Jason Tabrys

I’m definitely hoping that more original work will be coming our way in the future.  I think that, like Jason said, there’s a lot of fear around taking the risk of doing something “different”.  So who knows what’s out there that just hasn’t been put into action yet for that reason.  Look at how long it took for Inception to become a thing – I think in due time, as people feel out where society’s sitting with certain things, we’ll be seeing more original work.  I’m certainly getting tired of reboots, myself.  – Chris D.

Remakes will always be present in Hollywood. We cannot fault the film industry for rehashing classic movies/series. Tapping into the same well will always be more of an easy sell than taking a chance on new material. We can, however, fault them on how remakes are handled. Sadly, with most re-envisionings, studios care very little about casting, production, and overall direction. They just wanna churn out a film with an established brand, make their money on opening weekend and call it a day. The only way to reinvent movies that have been etched into the public psyche, is to completely retool and rethink everything about the film, even the name. If it’s presented in different context, then fans/viewers won’t think about comparing it to the original. But see, that type of creative thinking verges on “NEW” material; and what a terrible thought that is to a studio head. Until the public refuses to see reboots, and demand better films, shitty remakes will continue to trend. – Luke Gallagher

It’s all happened before, didn’t you watch Battlestar Galactica? -Mark Poynter

Jason’s right. We are all victims of Hollywood’s perennial inclination to play it safe. Remakes are not our “destination,” and I truly believe there are more great original works (things like Looper and Safety Not Guaranteed) to come, but in the meantime we have to accept that remakes and sequels are a major part of the Hollywood machine. Where do we go from there? I don’t know, but what movies you buy tickets to might help determine that. - Matthew Jackson

I think Hollywood puts out remakes because they want a guaranteed property that will make monies.  There is plenty of great material coming through in the comic and novel mediums, but to invest in that is a risk for most production companies.  They still do it, albeit in a more focused manner – i.e.: Hunger Games, Twilight, etc.  If the people in charge actually looked harder, they might find some amazing stuff that has been overlooked for years.  My vote = Fritz Leiber’s Lankhmar series or Moorcock’s Elric.  Either of those would make amazing series (television especially).  But will Hollywood do it?  Not unless their test marketing says “Yes!”  Capitalist pigs! - Jason McAnelly

How does Star Trek make you feel? (Personally, it’s the only thing that actually makes me feel like humanity has a future) – Shannon N.’

In truth, Trek makes me feel bittersweet. On one hand, it was the first thing that made me look up and dream about the possibilities that exist in both our future and in space (I was 5 when Next Generation began). On the other hand, Trek was something me and my Dad shared when I was a kid. He loved it and invited me in, so when I think about Star Trek I think about watching Next Generation on a battery powered TV in a tent in our backyard and how watching things like Star Trek, or going to see it and Superman or Batman movies in the theater aren’t things that we do anymore due to distance and the hecticness of our lives. – Jason Tabrys

I used to never watch Star Trek as I was a big Star Wars fan to start, but I learned a lot thanks to the show. Remember: In dangerous situations you shouldn’t wear red, Vulcans need sex every seven years and Wesley Crusher’s academic credits were wrongfully dismissed. -Nick Bungay

It’s like an old sweatshirt that you refuse to throw away, everyone else thinks you should toss it, but there are always one of two people that give you the head nod of understanding. Mark Poynter 

Star Trek has never filled me with the same joy that the original Star Wars trilogy did, but something about the expansiveness of it always leaves me optimistic. I always feel there’s more out there to boldly go and see when I think about Star Trek, and though I think of it as a somewhat stuffier environment than that of Star Wars, I never fail to enjoy it. - Matthew Jackson

I grew up with the original series.  I loved it to death.  I lost interest with Next Gen due to its soap opera format.  I like the new reboot.  I dunno how I feel, other than wanting to journey to space to have sex with strange alien women. – Jason McAnelly

Does having a Pomeranian named Fizzgig increase one’s geek cred by 100 power ups or 10,000 gold?- Parker R.

Upgrade to a pitbull with the same name and we will give you all of the gold rings. – Jason Tabrys

Only if you curb that dog with a Pokeman ball. -Mark Poynter

A Pomeranian named Fizzgig is about as geek-cred as a Corgi named Ein.  Buy a parrot and name him Grand Moff Tarkin and maybe you can get some power-ups. - Jason McAnelly

What are each of the staff members’ favorite anime? – Jeannie D.

You’ve come to the right nerd on this one Jeannie, as anime has not only kept me interested, but scored me a fiancee. Currently it’s all about Highschool of the Dead, One Piece (not that 4Kids edited shit) and Eyeshield 21 to round out my knowledge of sports, but I always keep Some Ranma 1/2 nearby for a good laugh. That should keep my nerd card punched for another six months, right? -Nick Bungay

Akira, For a long time we only had a copy on VHS in Japanese. It was kinda disappointing when we finally found an English version. I think we made up better dialoge. – Mark Poynter

I’m not really an anime follower, but Cowboy Bebop is wonderful. - Matthew Jackson

I have a great love of anime that prohibits me from choosing one (or even 10) favorites.  SOME of my favorites include Cowboy Bebop (of course), Ergo Proxy, Macross SDF-1, Akira, anything by Miyazaki, Black Lagoon, Trigun, Big-O, Nana (don’t judge me!)… yeah, the list is huge.  I am an anime junky and always willing to delve into something new.  Usually I hate, but oftentimes I love. - Jason McAnelly

I have a deep un-ebbing respect for my equally named brother, and Bungay the Bold, but some of those anime names have to be made up. That’s what I love about anime. Much like indie bands, you can always gather infinite cred by pretending to be into obscure anime because there are so many films and any co-mingling of words equals a title, meaning you can just make one up. Me? My favorite anime is Juju and the Unicorn Prince, Mishigama Dolphin Mech, Death to Hideki, and Distance Turtle and you would have totally believed that those were real if I hadn’t indicated otherwise. It is BRILLIANT. – Jason Tabrys

Astroboy! It made the trauma of losing your only child seem like an awesome opportunity to play God and create robot boy exactly like your dead son, with all his memories and rocket pants. Awesome. – Adam A. Donaldson

What are your thoughts on the rumors that JGL might play Batman in the Justice League movie? – Matthew S.

If it was going to happen it would be an awesome way to start, but we all know there’s no way in hell he’s going to do it without a sweet contract backing JGL up. -Nick Bungay

I would personally love to see him play the new Batman role.  BUT, I would also want to see a continuation of his role from Nolan’s trilogy.  Since they want a Bruce Wayne, it’s not going to happen.  If they decided to just go ahead and make him a Bruce Wayne, I would be pissed.  So no, I don’t want it to happen, cause they won’t stay with the program.  Let Ryan Reynolds do it! - Jason McAnelly

It’s nerd wish-fulfillment, I think. Jason’s right, they’re not going to have Nolan’s made up Batman play the Dark Knight in Justice League, and they can’t have JGL play Bruce Wayne either without causing some nerd rage of a different sort. – Adam A. Donaldson

Randomly pick two attractive staff members (male&female) & ask what they were into when they started with nerdbastards & what are they into now… – Graham B.

I feel like the “attractive staff members” thing was a dis-invitation for me. That or Graham is trying to mate us. We’re not going to paint ourselves and dance for you Diabolical Graham! We are all beautiful! Christina Aguilera sang a song about us! – Jason Tabrys

I’m more interested in looking into why you choose this question. I’m thinking that you’re harboring some latent and repressed desires about someone at your workplace, hoping against hope that one of us will answer in such a way that you can gather tips to approach said co-worker. Perhaps you have already been approached by a co-worker who is into some pretty “Shades of Gray” type of stuff and looking for our approval to proceed. – Mark Poynter

I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re all into the same stuff at all times. We fear change. - Matthew Jackson

I pick me!  I am so hot I automatically count as two attractive staff members.  I am also very deep and understand women so I probably count as female too.  Wait, what was the question again?  I couldn’t hear you over the sounds of my own hotness. - Jason McAnelly

Well now I feel bad that nobody answered the lad’s question so I guess I’ll offer a second, more honest answer: My interests have deepened. This has been a great opportunity to get access to some pretty amazing people and I have developed a finer respect for the things that interest me in the process of talking to them. So that’s the biggest change I’ve seen. - Jason Tabrys… again

What’s the best type of soil to use to plant cabbage? – Marc. C

In my professional opinion as someone who used to be a Garden Center Manager (really), the answer to your query is top soil. It’s always top soil. If that answer doesn’t blow your hair back, you can always google it. – Jason Tabrys

Soil is not as big a deal as the amount of watering needed and the other big thing about cabbage is that when you plant it the following year, you must NOT plant it in the same area of your garden. You should move it to another section where any of the “Crucifer Family” of vegetables have not been planted. Cabbage is prone to the diseases of that family of veggies. I really don’t know this much, but have a friend that does. I guess sitting through that whole discussion was payback for eating all those veggies while helping very little in the garden.- Mark Poynter 

The kind with dirt in it. - Matthew Jackson

Nightsoil.  Filled with nutrients from human butts.  – Jason McAnelly

Brawndo: It’s Got What Plants Crave! – Luke Gallagher

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