While the flux-capacitor hasn’t been perfected, and we can’t help you fix any past holiday humbuggery, maybe we can help you get this holiday season off to a good start.

For the next 12 days (Dec 1st-12th), the staff of Nerd Bastards will be listing a few of their favorite nerdy things. Gadgets, doohickeys, thingamabobs and more – all sorts of  items that have been Nerd tested and Bastard approved. Basically, stuff you want, things you need, and everything you can’t have.

We hope you’ll  find some unique and nerdtastic gifts among our selections, and that they make their way under your tree, Menorah or Kwanzaa bush.

Hit the jump for Sam Sakura’s list of Nerdful things. To see archive of this feature, click HERE.


When decorating your tree this year don’t forget the reason for the season, Cthulhu.  This adorable little guy can be yours for only $7.49. It’s a small price to pay to honor our mighty overlord. Available at NeatoShop.

People who smoke pipes and are not douchebags are a dying breed. I like to think because I am a nerd and a woman I couldn’t possibly be a douche, especially when smoking such a fine replica of Gandalf’s pipe. Known as the “Wizard” available from Macqueen Pipes, each pipe is hand crafted of either Ash, Cherrywood, or Briar Wood. No self respecting wizard should be seen with out it.

Ever wanted to fight the rain like a warrior? Well you can’t, because that statement doesn’t make any sense. You can however, look like a total badass with any of these Sword Umbrellas. Samurai Sword available through Think Geek


Many of you may suffer from the same issue as myself, I refuse to grow up. Fullmetal Alchemist will always have a place in my cold little heart. As it was one of the ways my brother and I used to spend our time together when we were young.. This is the only item on my list I actually own and I am not ashamed to say, as a 26 year old adult I still wear the pendant all the time. The pocket watch features the inscription on the inside that says ” Don’t Forget 3.OCT.10″ An awesome gift for any FMA fan. Get yours Here


As an avid player of MTG I want this more than I want air. I can just picture sitting down at the card table with the rest of my brood and slamming this big ol’ bitch down on the table. Oh, you wanna roll to see who goes first? Feel my wrath. If you’re ready to drop $85.00 bucks this lovely 20 sided die can be yours. Get it from Etsy.

It’s the one that says Bad Mother Fucker… I don’t know how nerdy this is, but who doesn’t want to own Jule’s wallet from Pulp Fiction? Made of Italian Leather each one includes Jule’s calling card. Available from BadMoFoWallets.


Never have to pass the pepper again, just wind up these cute little fuckers and they’ll walk themselves across the table. The pair can be yours for a reasonable $15.00 from ThinkGeek.

It’s no secret to those around me that I survive on alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine. As I write this I’m smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of wine. God, I love booze. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh right, being healthy! Feeling under the weather? Hearts empty? Slam one of these bad boys and you’ll defeat your enemies in no time. Get one (or more) at ThinkGeek.

Not as strong as the actual force, but a hell of a way to waste time and exercise your brain. If you have the patience and a desire for another useless talent (I KNOW I DO!) then this might just be the gift for you! Available for dirt cheap at Wal-Mart.

Oh God, oh yes, please God. I want this more than I want air. And for only $2,950.00 you could buy me this. Oh, it doesn’t work that way? Shit. Well with over 5,000 pieces this is sure to keep some lucky bastard in the basement until spring. Not that we can afford it, but it’s available on Amazon.

Category: Featured, Nerd Culture

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