Hello, kids, and welcome to a very Merry NerdBastards Holiday Special. Well, it’s the closest thing we’ll get to a holiday special, at any rate. This is the holiday edition of Ask the Bastards. We asked you to provide us with your favorite holiday-themed geeky questions, and this is what happened.
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How should you attempt to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special? – Ben R.
Watching the Star Wars Holiday Special is not unlike watching the video from The Ring. Once you watch it you have until next Christmas to force another to watch it. Otherwise, you’ll be cursed to celebrate Life Day, everyday. At least that’s what I tell myself because it’s the only rationale I have for watching it the first time. This year I must find someone else to thrust this curse upon. Saying it’s a struggle to get through the whole thing is an understatement. You’ll start by laughing at it, thinking, haha, wow this is as bad as I’ve heard. And then it gets worse. By the end, as Carrie Fisher is singing in that red snuggie, you’ll be questioning a lot of your life decisions. The worst being your decision to sit down and watch the Star Wars Holiday Special. Which is why the only option left is to force another to suffer as you have. Christmas is the season for giving, give the gift that never goes away, having the Star Wars Holiday Special burned into your psyche, forever. – Sarah Moran
In order to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special one must know of the great evil contained within, the unholy love child of Santa’s Christmas joy and George Lucas’ love of money. To combat such evil I suggest a bullet-proof vest, a priest to combat the dark forces and enough liquor to make that shit funny. Honestly, if you’re looking to watch one of the weirdest holiday movies out there I say go for, but keep the liquor on hand for a dose every five minutes. -Nick Bungay
Lots and lots of Egg-Nog. – Mark Poynter
Here’s what you do: you light the fireplace, fluff the pillows, get some hot chocolate and goodies from the kitchen, sit down in the front of the TV and before pressing play on that bootleg DVD or videotape you get toasted. Nicely toasted. You know what I mean. – Adam A. Donaldson
Drunk…Oh, wait, did you mean technically? Yeah, the answer’s still drunk. - Matthew Jackson
What is your favorite Christmas themed movie of all time? – Matthew S.
Scrooged Hard which is that magical thing that happens when I watch Scrooged and Die Hard one after the other and then fall asleep smiling. – Jason Tabrys
I tend to lean more towards Chirstmas-themed TV episode more so than movies. This is the time of year I watch all the holiday episodes of Futurama, That 70′s Show, Community, Venture Bros., etc. – Sarah Moran
KISS Saves Christmas. Every year me and the family slap on the face paint and watch our heroes save Santa together as a family. The perfect, non-existent, holiday film. -Nick Bungay
The 1951 version of A Christmas Carol starring Alastair Sim, far and away, the best version of the story ever put to screen. – Adam A. Donaldson
This isn’t Christmas Vacation: The XXX Parody. Yes, Virginia, it actually is a movie. – Mark Poynter
It’s a three-way tie between two very different movies. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, White Christmas and A Christmas Story. Die Hard is also up there. - Matthew Jackson
We know who the dark-haired lady in your T-shirt ad is, but who’s the red-head? We like redheads – Mac D.
Pretty sure we shouldn’t tell you. – Jason Tabrys
I’ve tried asking this question myself, but every time I do I get a phone call telling me not to “ask any questions” from Luke. Something tells me I might be in too deep for this mystery, but maybe you can continue my work from where I left off. The one thing I can tell you is you’re right, we like redheads. -Nick Bungay
I’ve been warned that if Luke says her name one more time she will appear ala Beatlejuice or Candyman style. -Mark Poynter
my name is Jeremy. And no. – jeremy r! hudson
Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is the start of a Criminal Minds episode right here. – Adam A. Donaldson
This is probably a question for Luke, but unfortunately he’s too hung over from holiday festivities to take questions today. In this case, the Nerd Bastards magic Eight-Ball says “Ask Again Later.” – Matthew Jackson
What do the Bastards make of the accusations that Far Cry 3′s story is racist? – Jan R.
It’s a bullshit excuse from people trying to start the same shit that happens in any game that has a prominent race featured due to the location. In all the years I’ve sat down and played any video game there isn’t anything that makes me want to kill an AI character of race or color, it’s a game. People are smarter then they were a decade ago when it comes to video game related issues and Far Cry’s issue of racism is just people trying to start up a stink over nothing. -Nick Bungay
I was debating this with a friend. Has it been actually CONFIRMED that Agent Coulson isn’t dead in the Marvel Movieverse? – Grizz R.
Until Director Fury says otherwise it’s safe to say that Coulson is alive somewhere in the Marvel U, the man is a fan favorite and unconfirmed as the second greatest lover next to Tony Stark. Don’t ask how I know this, I just do. -Nick Bungay
To all those that say Coulson is not dead I say: Uncle Ben. To any of those that say he is dead: Bucky, Phoenix (Marvel Girl), Electra, Captain Marvel, etc, etc, etc. He is whatever the powers that be want him to be at the time they want him. Personally, I hope they go the route of Deathlok. Who better to use in a super secret cyborg soldier program than Coulson? – Mark Poynter
I think it’s going to turn out that Agent Coulson is really the mutant Multiple Man and it was one of his dupes that was killed on the helicarrier in The Avengers. You hear it here first. – Adam A. Donaldson
He’s been popping up in comics lately, which to me suggests that they’ve kept him alive in the Movieverse as well, if only for TV purposes. I don’t think a character as unpredictably popular as Coulson can ever truly be dead. - Matthew Jackson
How will you bastards be nerding out during holidays? – Rebecca M.
Django and Djesus. – Jason Tabrys
Uh, there’s this little thing called the Doctor Who Christmas Special, have you heard of it? Have we, especially myself, not been talking about it enough? It’s tradition. Wake up, open your presents, either enjoy or suffer through whatever family affairs you have, then get home in time to watch The Doctor save England, the world, another world, or maybe the entire Universe. Y’know, whatever he’s up to that day.
Hmm, otherwise I’ll probably see The Hobbit a few more times. Maybe unleash my long buried musical nerd and see Les Miserables. And if I find enough time I’ll play some of those video games or read those comics that are littering my house, staring at me, guiltily. – Sarah Moran
I’ll be doing a little bit of everything as I’m spending the holidays with my 2 year old niece, but in between that it’s booze, Doctor Who marathons, maybe a movie or two at the theater and lots of Halo 4. Just look cheapart88 and I’ll be your friend, maybe even help you get an achievement or two. -Nick Bungay
Family, Friends, and Firefly. The series DVDs are already packed. That and catching my mom up on Game of Thrones. – Mark Poynter
I’ll be spending time with my family. Nothing more nerdier than that. – Adam A. Donaldson
My intention is to spend most of my non-family time playing video games (including a triumphant return to the MMO’s DC Universe Online and Star Trek Online) plus I have a few comic books to catch up on…
… I also apparently intend on inventing time travel. – jeremy r! hudson
Several massive holiday meals, lots of holiday booze, lots of Christmas specials (including the Doctor Who special Tuesday night) and several rounds of Apples to Apples with family. - Matthew Jackson