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It’s confirmed, my friends:

The Holy Grail of Nerd Cinema….the team-up we always thought would remain the province of comics, cartoons, and video games–but would NEVER actually happen in the movies–is upon us!

There will be a Superman/Batman movie in 2015! Creatively titled: Batman Vs. Superman, it’s apparently the sequel to the recently released Supes reboot Man Of Steel. That means Henry Cavil will once again be donning the red and blue super-suit….

But what of the Dark Knight?

With Christian Bale out of the Bat-Business, who will take up the cowl and cape of Gotham City’s shadowy protector?

So far, the rumor mill has come up with only one name: Tyler Hoechlin (below)

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If you’ve never heard of him, don’t worry–it just means you have enough self-respect to avoid MTV’s Teen Wolf series.

I honestly don’t know jack about this guy….maybe he’s brilliant–maybe he’ll be the best Batman since Michael Keaton. Anything’s possible….

BUT.

Until an actor is officially announced, we will continue to do what nerds always do, and yammer on about our dream choices to portray the “World’s Greatest Detective”.

Here’s ten we think would do nicely:

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10. Grant Bowler

If you don’t know who Grant Bowler is–you should.

He stars as Joshua Nolan in SyFy’s surprisingly (because it’s on SyFy) good new series Defiance. His character is the basic Han Solo-ish “Grizzled Rogue With A Checkered Past, But A Heart Of Gold” archetype that science-fiction seems to love so much….kind of like a less “pretty” Malcolm Reynolds (and no–Nathan Fillion is NOT on this list, so don’t bother skipping ahead looking for him).

Anyway, Bowler is perfect in this role, which would make him a good candidate for Bats–though perhaps not for the “Billionaire Playboy” persona of Bruce Wayne….Odds are he’d do better as “Wealthy Recluse” Bruce Wayne.

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9. Idris Elba

It’s 2013. I believe we, as fans and movie-goers, are prepared for an on-screen Batman who is African-American. After all, a racial shift changed Nick Fury from a third-tier character known only to comic book die hards, to a household name and one of the most well-known inhabitants of the Marvel universe.

Racist douchebags, and racist douchebags disguised as Marvel canon purists, got their knickers in a twist when Idris Elba played Heimdall in Thor. I mean if there’s one character you’d think could never be anything but white, it’d be a bloody NORSE GOD….But Elba made the relatively small role his bitch, and proved his worth as a superheroic actor. By rights he should be higher on this list, but the reality is that his race STILL makes him an unlikely candidate for the Batsuit…

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8. Mark Valley

You may not recognize Mark Valley…That’s okay, because before he was suggested for this list, I didn’t have a clue who he was either. Best known for starring as bodyguard Christopher Chance in the short lived, comic based action series Human Target, Valley has the look down. Plus, he is one of the older actors on the list, which is advantageous as the buzz says this new film will borrow heavily from the famous graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller, which features a 55 year old Batman.

 

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7. Jamie Bamber

British actor Jamie Bamber spent 4 seasons on a series that explored the absolute depths of human misery.

No, not American Idol–that was Simon Cowell.

As Captain Lee “Apollo” Adama on SyFy’s critically acclaimed (and unrelentingly dark)  Battlestar Galactica reboot, Bamber has shown amply that he can play a character haunted by his past–Hell, Batman’s background would be a holiday compared to some of the shit Bamber went through as Apollo.

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6. Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender (am I the only one who always wants to call him “Michael Bass-Finder”?) is probably one of the most popular actors in superhero cinema today. He’s just about to appear for the second time as evil mutant bigwig Erik “Magneto” Lehnsherr in the X-Men film franchise. Also, nerddom knows him from the Alien prequel Prometheus–as well as 300, Inglorious Basterds, and (possibly soon) the film adaptation of Assassin’s Creed.

How would he fare in the role of the world’s most (or second most) famous superhero? Well, his Batman would be dark, but charismatic and brilliant, I’d think. Honestly, I really doubt we’ll ever see Fassbender in this role….but it’s undeniably fun to think about 😉

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5. Joel Edgerton

Probably the least recognizable actor on this list, nerddom knows Australian actor Joel Edgerton best as young Owen Lars (AKA “Uncle Owen”) in the Star Wars prequel trilogy. Edgerton’s look is perhaps “unique” for a Bat-Portrayor, but work in the acclaimed boxing fim Warrior, and crime dramas like Animal Kindom prove he has the physicality for the role. And his less recognizable face might be a boon if the filmmakers decide they want to really start Batman over fresh.

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4. Armie Hammer

Armie Hammer’s Lone Ranger may have tanked under the weight of Johnny Depp’s questionable casting as Tonto, but he’s a handsome and likeable young actor who’ll probably be an A-Lister soon as he’s attached to a successful picture (perhaps the upcoming film version of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.?)

Strangely enough, Hammer was SUPPOSED to already have played Batman a few years ago: In one of the proposed iterations of the long-awaited Justice League film.

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3. Sullivan Stapleton

I honestly don’t care that I’d never heard of Sullivan Stapleton before putting this list together–look at him:

He IS Bruce Wayne!

He would appear to be Australian, like Joel Egderton (who, oddly enough, he co-starred with in Animal Kingdom), and while he’s relatively unknown now, he’ll be appearing in the lead role of Themistocles in 300: Rise Of An Empire next March. If Batman Vs. Superman still needs a caped crusader by then, they could probably do a lot worse.

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2. Richard Armitage

You probably don’t recognize Richard Armitage in a tuxedo: It’s not the first garment that come to mind when one pictures Thorin Oakenshield.

Armitage plays the Dwarven leader in all 3 of Peter Jackson’s Hobbit movies, and he’s personally my favorite actor in the films (well, so far). He’s immensely likeable and really nails the “reluctant leader/hero” trope. We’ll just have to see if he can adopt a Yankee accent (like fellow Brit Jamie Bamber did).

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1. Jon Hamm

No contest.

Jon Hamm has been playing a brilliant, talented, morally dubious savant with a shadowy past and multiple identities for 7 years. Got nominated for 8 Emmys and 5 Golden Globes (one of which he won) for it, too.

In case you’re reading this from under a rock, I’m refering to his role as advertising wunderkind Don Draper in AMC’s ridiculously acclaimed series Mad Men.

Seriously, Hamm has the perfect combination of gravitas, charm, maturity, wit, and vaguely disturbing mysteriousness that whoever plays Batman (and Bruce Wayne–sometimes we forget that they’re not exactly the same character) will need. Amusingly enough, one of Don Draper’s colleagues on Mad Men–Harry Crane (Rich Sommer)–once described Draper’s enigmatic private life by saying “He could be Batman for all we know!”

He could, Harry….He could indeed.

Category: Comics, Featured, Film

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