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I have the power… to not care about anything director Jon Chu says. Sure, he’s a fan of 80’s cartoons and speaks passionately about them. When it comes to adapting beloved filmation from 30 years ago, he even says all the right things. He’s convincing, I’ll give him that. His follow-thru, however, not so much.

I heard him speak many times about his “Yo Joe” mentality, growing up on the G.I. Joe cartoon and understanding it’s message about leadership and heroism. Toting how he was going to right the wrongs of the first abortion of a flick and not just make another action movie. Guy sounded a like a real American hero. Well, his homage to the G.I. Joe franchise, G.I. Joe: Retaliation didn’t exactly suck, but that’s only because nothing can be worse than G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. While there were flashes of resemblance to the original cartoon (overabundance of ninjas and shit), it was a far cry from the source material, and well, turned out to be just another action flick. Like we could have expected anything truly worthy from the guy who directed that Justin Bieber documentary Never Say Never?

Now, I’m not here to talk about the critical failings of G.I. Joe: Retaliation.  No, I’m just using that as my point. He had his chance and he blew it. He needs to stay the fuck away from all 80’s properties. Namely such, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

An adaptation of the cartoon featuring a muscle bound warrior with his “fabulous” secret and powerful friends as they face the evil forces of Skeletor, has been an raging for years. Sony Pictures eventually picked up the rights somewhere along the way and have been gunning for live-action treatment (forgetting the really bad 1987 movie having already been made) and capitalize on that sweet 80’s nostalgia.  Since the latest Joe flicked did so well, Sony has appointed Jon Chu to direct MOTU. Go figure.

While talking to SuperheroHype, Chu gave an update on what’s going on with Masters of the Universe, and he does that whole overly excited thing, which gets me excited. Here’s what he said:

“I think that what helps us is knowing what we do in ‘Joe’ and knowing that ‘Masters’ has to be very different and has to feel very different, but the script for ‘Masters of the Universe’ is what really hooked me. I love ‘Masters of the Universe,’ but I didn’t know necessarily how to make it into a movie until I read the script and thought, ‘Oh my gosh, I totally see it. I get how this is going to shake it up, I get how this is different from any other thing,’ and it got me really really excited.”

He goes on to say,

“We’re still working on that one and ‘Joe’ has momentum right now. The audience has been great and they want another one, so we’re rushing to get that done and Dwayne has a certain time period so it may end up that ‘Joe’ goes first in all those things and I don’t know if ‘Masters of the Universe’ will wait for me or where that’s going to end up. But right now it’s been great. We’ve been designing a ton of stuff for ‘Masters of the Universe’ as a really beautiful, grounded, honest world – that’s the best way I can describe it. It’s everything you want ‘Masters of the Universe’ to be in terms of the fantasy but not in a way theatrical crazy way. It is actually a gorgeous world that we’re doing in the initial visual concepts that we’ve been making.”

Goddammit Chu, why you gotta say shit like that? That certainly sounds like the MOTU I’ve always played out in my head, but why you gotta sell us on promises you know you can’t keep? You’re like an Asian-American Uwe Boll. Just stop it. Leave my childhood alone. It’s already been goatsied enough by the likes of Micheal Bay and your sloppy seconds that was G.I. Joe 2.

He-Man isn’t the greatest of cartoons. It’s not even a very good one. It’s silly, stupid and filled with homoerotic undertones. Regardless, I’m a fan. As such, I have expectations that can never be met. I envision an EPIC, high-budgeted, stylistic, Sci-Fi, fantasy, action flick that’s dark and bleak with a modicum of humor (for the kiddies). 300 meets Lord of The Rings. Something like that, but I know it’s never gonna happen… and certainly not by the likes of Jon Chu. The hell with him and any director that wants to make it. Just leave it alone Hollywood, you bastards!

*steps off soap box*

Category: Film, TV

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