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"Dude, what do you mean all the product has gone bad. LA Looks is supposed to last FOREVER!"

“Dude, what do you mean all the product has gone bad? LA Looks is supposed to last FOREVER!”

Aaron Paul has given up on crank and developed a need… a Need for Speed (Val Kilmer high five!).

He also seems to have developed a penchant for over-grand voiceovers in the first trailer for the upcoming vroom vroom epic, which also stars Dakota Johnson, beetlejuice… Beetlejuice… MICHAEL KEATON, the guy who played Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper), Imogen Poots, and the equally well named quadrumvirate of Sir Maejor, Kid Cudi, Han Soto, and Chillie Mo.

According to the official synopsis that is very official, Need for Speed

“…centers around Tobey Marshall (Aaron Paul), a blue-collar mechanic who races muscle-cars on the side in an unsanctioned street-racing circuit. Struggling to keep his family-owned garage afloat, he reluctantly partners with the wealthy and arrogant ex-NASCAR driver Dino Brewster (Dominic Cooper). But just as a major sale to car broker Julia Bonet (Imogen Poots) looks like it will save Tobey’s shop, a disastrous race allows Dino to frame Tobey for a crime he didn’t commit, sending Tobey to prison while Dino expands his business out west.

Two years later, Tobey is released and set on revenge — but he knows his only chance to take down his rival Dino is to defeat him in the high-stakes race known as De Leon—the Super Bowl of underground racing. However to get there in time, Tobey will have to run a high-octane, action-packed gauntlet that includes dodging pursuing cops coast-to-coast as well as contending with a dangerous bounty Dino has put out on his car. With the help of his loyal crew and the surprisingly resourceful Julia, Tobey defies odds at every turn and proves that even in the flashy world of exotic supercars, the underdog can still finish first.”

Now, that’s a bit different than the storyline that the Need for Speed games have followed (get a fast car, drive around, masturbate, drive around some more) but one can see how it might be hard to adapt the game faithfully. I prefer to think that this is a bit like Pirates of the Caribbean. With the theme park ride, people went on a small boat like thing and waved at animatronic pirates that occasionally came to life and murdered guests. The film was much more family friendly and far less robot murder-y.

Despite all the changes, though, video game adaptations are never successful — save for the Resident Evil films and Goldeneye, which really did Goldeneye 64 justice — so this film is still going to face a bit of an uphill climb to glory.

Will I see this film? Of course, but I’m really just trying to pad the box office in an effort to make a Cruisin USA movie seem economically viable.  What about y… I don’t care. Pistons, bitch!

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