monster high

OMG! We’re, like, so totally scary and stuff!

And because we just can’t have a single moment of peace when it comes to the Internet, here is a bit of news that may not enthrall you as much as cause you to deliver a potentially crippling facepalm to yourself.  The news – Monster High is being turned into a live-action movie.  Worse yet, it’s being penned by the scribes behind Gossip Girl.  Read on for more horrific details.

Yessir, it’s in the works, an adaptation of Monster High.  For those (blessedly) unfamiliar with the franchise name, it basically began as a line of dolls, each one modeled like a sexy, short-skirted version of a classic movie monster.  So you get mummy-girl (in a short skirt), vampire-girl (in a short skirt) and all the other characters they could manage to pillage without having to deal with copyrights.  The franchise also extended its Lovecraftian tentacles to encompass some TV specials, books, a (direct to DVD) movie and even computer games.

gossip girl

White, rich and half-naked – The CW’s recipe for success.

And the fateful duo that will be writing up the screenplay for this straight-to-the-grave adaptation are none-other-than Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, the writers of the Gossip Girl television show.  If you haven’t heard of that one, it’s a six-season spanning show that follows the annoying… er, exciting adventures of a bunch of rich (mostly white) teenagers in Manhattan.  And being that it was aired on The CW, you can pretty much guess at the deep levels of intellectual stimulation this series was capable of inspiring.

Oh, and they were also involved in the cluster-fuck series, The OC.  Yeah, now you know who to blame.

It almost sounds like a match made in heaven, these writers with this property.  Until you realize that your kids and younger siblings may actually want to watch this pile of shit.  Still, never let quality interfere with the potential to make more money!


This soul-crushing message brought to you with the help of /film (and a healthy bit of rum).

Category: Film, TV