What horrors Leonardo Dicaprio will be dreaming about from now until forever.
The Oscars is one of the best parties in the business. If you’re not in the business, well, it’s just a bunch of millionaires honoring themselves with gold statues. Little condescending ain’t it? Still, the world is compelled to watch. Whether we truly appreciate the acknowledgment of Hollywood’s most deserving, or just have some bets to win, our fascination with the award show is ever present.
If you’re not into all the glitter, glam, and pretentiousness, but want to know just enough to make small talk at the water cooler, Nerd Bastards has got you covered. Here’s the fastest and perhaps laziest post Oscar recap. It’s 2am and we want Tacos, what do you expect from us?
Host Ellen Degeneres kept it loose. She ordered Pizza for everyone (not props, real pizza delivery guy) and broke the record for most retweeted selfie on Facebook (pictured above, 1 million retweets an under an hour).
Jared Leto may have won for Best Supporting Actor but his hair was the real winner, seriously it might has well have been a shampoo commercial.
Lupita Nyong’o won for Best Supporting Actress and made such a earnest acceptance speech, saying ” When I look down at this golden statue, may it remind me and every little child that your dreams are valid.” It will be the talk of the week.
U2 sang, an no one could care less.
Leave it to Bill Murray to honor Harold Ramis with an unscripted mention, and for yanking the shit out of Amy Adams. When Bill Murray asks you to follow him, you follow.
The Desolation of Smaug got nominated for several sound awards but all the presenters kept mispronouncing Smaug. Remember, every time you mispronounce Smaug Peter Jackson makes another Hobbit movie. Speaking of verbal blunders John Travolta introduced singer Idina Menzel but completly butchered her name. Dammit Travolta, you had one job!
Disney fans can rejoice as Frozen won best animated picture and original score. Composer Robert Lopez has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony, apparently known as “EGOT”. Basically, If this we were talking a boy/girl scouts awards satchel, his would be full.
Alfonso Cuaron won for Best Director with Gravity and made us all want to learn Spanish with his acceptance speech.
Cate Blanchett won for best actress. Told Julia Roberts to suck it and proceeded to say words about how woman as center in films are not a novelty.
Leo was foiled again, as Matthew McConaughey won best actor. Who babled on about god for far too long before calling it a night with his famous “Alright, alright, alright” schtick.
And oh yeah, 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture. Congratulations, we’re not all racists. Gravity practically took everything else, and it was heavy.
And for all the other awards that were given out while the Walking Dead was on, here’s the full winner run down: