No word yet as to how mere “movies” or pint-sized “cinema” feel about their newly discovered, beastly-sounding kin.
News of Fantastic Beasts’ super-sizing was slid into a New York Times profile of Warner Bros. CEO Kevin Tsujihara. This expansion should come as a surprise to no one, as nearly every studio has been chasing after a new YA cash-cow following the end of Harry Potter, Twilight, and Beautiful Creatures (wait…). Even when the project was first announced, it was being “planned as the first picture in a new film series.” What is a bit of a shock, however, is that new words had to be added to the English vernacular in order to describe such a monolith of motion pictures.
Harry Potter progenitor J.K. Rowling is penning the screenplay, which is said to follow the exploits of “magizoologist” Newt Scamander. Seeing as that new locution is simply a combination of “magic” and “zoologist”, I can only imagine an elephant is going to get a wand jammed up its ass at some point during these three filmic behemoths.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is inspired by a textbook used by Hogwarts students within the Potterverse, and Scamander is the fictional author of the bullshit tome. In 2001, Rowling turned Fantastic Beasts into a real 54-page volume to benefit the charity Comic Relief, revealing that the author (who I can only imagine has a gold toilet at this point) is not a complete Bond villain. Though the films are to be Potter spinoffs, Rowling has said that Beasts is “neither a prequel nor a sequel” to the original series, which is truly the only part of this story I find interesting besides making fun of made-up words.
No release date has been set for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but I’m sure we’ll all go apeshit when it finally does get a Fall of 2018 slot.
I feel bad for the elephants.