Suey Park wept.

In a triumph for those of us who actually understand how satire works (as well as how Faux Outrage is something to be ignored), Stephen Colbert has been announced by CBS as the replacement for David Letterman, following the late night staple’s retirement in 2015. The deal Colbert has signed is reportedly for five years, thus ending his decade long run at Comedy Central anchoring one of the best pieces of televised satire ever conceived on The Colbert Report.

The Internet (a/k/a “Those People”) is already divided on this career choice (its been five minutes since it was announced, what the fuck did you expect?), flinging everything from “wow, good for him!” to “AMERICAN SATIRE IS DEAD!” to “I’m high and want some Chinese food, STAT!”. I tend to side with the one that favors drugs and Chinese food.

In all seriousness, while it’ll be sad to lose such a fine sardonic talent to the veritable wasteland of late night talk, it’ll certainly be fun to watch how Colbert warps his style for that audience. No word yet as to how much of his established persona Colbert will be bringing to the CBS airwaves, but his enthusiasm to even have the opportunity can be gleaned in this statement:

“Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.”

I expect plenty of online lists detailing who would “be more appropriate” than Colbert for the job and will read roughly 16.7% of them (because I can only laugh at so much stupidity). Meanwhile, may I suggest that the “new” Stephen Colbert interview the “old” Stephen Colbert as his first guest?

Source: CBS

Category: TV

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