For fans of the new (and kind of great) Hannibal TV series, you have another mass murderer to look forward to sitting down with on a weekly basis. Only this one doesn’t prepare you meals. In fact — he can’t do a whole lot more than breathe on your ass before he stabs you in the face.

Friday the 13th is coming back to television! Only this time, it’s going to bring the iconic hockey mask along for the ride (from 1987 to 1990, there was a Canadian-American TV series that played more like a precursor to The X-Files and Supernatural, borrowing the famous franchise’s title solely for name recognition). Sean S. Cunningham, director of the original film (as well as producer of Wes Craven’s infamous Last House on the Left), is pooling his resources to try and replicate the recent success of Hannibal and Bates Motel, and as a horror fan I couldn’t be happier. The level of gore featured in both Lecter’s tale (as well The Walking Dead) all but ensures that we’ll get some quality gratuitous kills from the hulking mongoloid on a weekly basis.

But here’s the rub — how the fuck do you make Friday the 13th watchable on a week-to-week basis? Even the biggest fans of the movies admit that they’re fairly shitty; mere excuses to indulge in some wanton T&A and carnage for ninety minutes. Apparently, the show will include “a storyline that re-imagines Jason in multiple time periods”, as well as focusing on the town of Crystal Lake.

“The series is contemporary, focusing on the eclectic characters of Crystal Lake who are forced to confront the return of the killer, as new secrets about his wacky family are revealed.”

Wacky family? Eclectic characters? Is this the time to admit that I used to doodle demented fan fiction that envisioned Jason Voorhees killing off the cast of Dawson’s Creek? I COULDA PARLAYED THAT SHIT INTO A JOB, SON!

For those bummed about Paramount’s planned attempt to reboot the series with a “found footage” entry, this has to be great news. Though, admittedly, both might be unwatchable dreck (which would further align them with the series?).

Source: BAD

Category: TV

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