In further proof that the Internet has the worst collective taste EVER (are you seriously still attempting to defend that POS AMAZING SPIDER-MAN sequel?), the Indiegogo campaign for Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn, has met its ludicrous-sounding $450,000 goal.
The pain that just shot through my fingers while typing that was almost unbearable.
The sequel to the unplayable ’90s Street Fighter knockoff will be available on the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii U, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One sometime in the future, with each sale successfully placing money in already established multi-millionaire celebrity Shaquille O’Neal’s pocket. No word yet as to how Ron Artest’s (excuse me…Metta World Peace’s) Kill Everything That Moves Kickstarter is going, nor what Kill Everything That Moves actually is (a home movie?).
The Shaq Fu fundraiser featured such perks as a lunch or dinner rendezvous with Shaq, a private basketball session at the former NBA star’s home (which seems hilarious to me — as all I keep imagining is O’Neal dunking on Clint Howard over and over again), and the opportunity to have Kazaam DJ your party, the last of which cost one backer $35,000.
This is the kind of nonsense that seriously makes me hate everything about our modern, irony and nostalgia-obsessed society. Putting the weird moral implications of game developers and a MULTI-MILLIONAIRE asking a bunch of strangers to co-fund a bullshit vanity project aside for a second (their use of the word “partner” on the campaign page makes my blood boil), I can think of roughly 4,500,000,000,000,000 better causes or projects that deserve support (like the homeless folks every donor will probably ignore when they see them on the street). Though, to be fair to those who gave their hard-earned dollars to fund an awful video game, the mental capacity to distinguish between “quality” and “utter horseshit” is probably non-existent.
No release date has been set for A Legend Reborn as of yet but, on the bright side, Shaq has promised to donate a whopping 5% of sales to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America. How big of him.