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We’re Rebooting ‘Hocus Pocus’ Now (Updated)

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The 90s nostalgia craze is starting to perturb me a little — and that’s a thing that is unfortunate since we’re likely just getting started. You see, I was raised on the center rail between 80s and 90s culture in that I was born in 1982 (I’m like the Blade of eras, I can walk in the light and the dark.), so while I have a soft spot for some of the reboots of these inherently 1993ish things, others make me flip up my Dwayne Wayne sunglasses because of all the shade that I’m throwing… and I’m looking right the hell at you, Girl Meets World.

Hocus Pocus is another shade-worthy item for me, though to be fair, it’s not entirely the fault of this live-action family-horror-comedy from Disney about a trio of witches (Otto Titsling historian Bette Midler, a post Square Pegs/pre-Miami Rhapsody Sarah Jessica Parker and a Mo Gaffney-free Kathy Najimy) that are brought back from the dead to wreak havoc on a Massachusetts town. No, the fault lies with an impervious VHS copy of Hocus Pocus and my little sister, who at the age of 8 qualified as one of the youngest practitioners of the Ludovico technique. Poor 12 year old me. I vomit anytime I see a schmaltzy Disney film now.

By the way, Tina Fey is producing a sequel to the film. 

Before you get too excited and young and annoying, though, we should add that there is no word on if Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker or Najimy will be back for seconds as the Sanderson sisters for this film which will, according to Total Film, center around a “housewife who is related to the Sanderson sisters, who teams up with a witch hunter to save her children after they run afoul of some resurrected witches while out trick-or-treating”

“Some” resurrected witches. You give Bette Midler whatever the hell she wants, Liz Lemon. It’s a dealbreaker and she is the wind beneath ALL of our wings.

achievment unlocked - Bette

The Sanderson sisters aside, we’re also not yet sure if anyone else from the first film will make a re-appearance as tragedy, in-action and rom-coms have befallen most of them.

Charles Rocket, who filled out the stock “Disney movie dad” role and who was an undervalued comedic genius and a hell of a musician, is sadly no longer with us and Omri Katz (Max) hasn’t secured a screen credit in 12 years. I thought the same could have been said of Vinessa Shaw, the object of both Max’s and my own affection at the time, but apparently she survived her Highlander-esque sword fight with Hillary Swank and has carved out a nice career as a supporting player. Thora Birch, who played young Dani, has similarly continued to stick around after growing into a well respected teen actress who drew raves for her work in American Beauty and Ghostworld. Garry Marshall, who made a cameo in Hocus Pocus, has continued to prove that he is the devil by directing both Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve.

Putting those questions and revelations aside, though, we have to ponder if there really is an appetite for more Hocus Pocus. It has, after all, been twent… twent… twenty one (fucking) years since the theatrical release of the original, but like color blindness, Disney movies are usually inherited. Which means that those Disney vault forged impervious VHS tapes and unbreakable DVDs somehow got into the population, singing us into servitude like Sarah’s song…

Not that one.

In short, this film will probably do quite well and I like this sudden trend of sequels over full-fledged reboots (ala Shane Black’s upcoming Predator Christmas movie) but for the sake of making this more than a nostalgia cash-in with worthless references to the past and no real substance (like this article), I hope that they bring back the Sanderson sisters for a little more than a cameo, and I hope they pay Sarah Jessica Parker enough money so that she can finally free herself from the Sex and the City movies.

Oh, I’m SUCH a bitch.

Update: 

Nope. Variety is reporting that Fey is working on a witch comedy for Disney, but that it will not be connected to Hocus Pocus. Hey, at least I got to tell my dope Different World joke.

Source: Total Film

Category: Film

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