I’m not much for viral movie marketing. Ever since The Dark Knight basically set the standard with its grim demands of search and discover detective work, I’ve snottily scoffed at the paltry efforts of movies trying to entice me through the internet. If you’re not even going to try measuring up to the craziness of that Joker fest, just go back to Mad Men school and learn how it’s done. Another fantastic promo plan that comes to mind was Tropic Thunder’s amazing fake movie trailers. I never wanted a pretend movie to be real like I did with Ben Stiller’s Simple Jack. When you put that kind of effort into your marketing campaign, I tend to think you’re dedicated to making an excellent movie. Today, I got that warm feeling again…with Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvel has given us the kind of gift I was just talking about. They’ve constructed a fake travel site called Galaxy Getaways, fronted by a gorgeous and well-constructed intro video that includes some nice new footage from the film, repackaged as vacation bait. The British female voice behind the Welcome Message adds posh credibility to the otherwise wholly un-credible endeavor. There’s lots to see and much to explore, all beginning with a choice of three destinations: Xandar, Morag and Knowhere. I did all three.

The adventure begins once you type in your address. I used my ex-wife’s house because I want her ass off this planet. Then the giant shadow of a ship hovered over a satellite view of her neighborhood and ZOOM, she was (apparently) beamed aboard and out of my life forever! And that’s when it dawned on me that there’s nobody around to feed my dog – the one she won in the divorce.

Ah, it’ll be alright. Moving on.

Home to intergalactic police force the Nova Corps, Xandar boasts stunning floating bridges and pristine walkways – which I walked using STREET VIEW. Wow. And it is a beautiful 85 degrees, btw. We’re talking about a gorgeous resort world with over 260 hotels, all of which have panoramic views of all three sunsets, so I started over and sent the ex home to feed the dog, taking the trip myself. That’s how cool this page is; reality is placed at the feet of your whims. In my case, whims of bitterness and vengeance.

So on the next trip, I sent her to Morag. It’s a desolate wasteland with world-wide rocky terrain and crazy little lizards running around. Haha! Take that! Shrew!!!

I’ll leave Knowhere for you to traipse on your own. This really was a fun page to explore and definitely worth all the 10-15 minutes it took to do everything from taking a quiz to building my own passport. So take a break from the real world and familiar yourself with the rich treats of Galaxy Getaways, Hashtag #YoureWelcome. It’s no Snakes On A Plane and sure as hell no Cloverfield. But it’s lightyears better than Wanted. Remember that campaign? Of course you don’t.

Guardians Of The Galaxy blasts off into theaters August 1st.

Category: Comics, Film

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